Be as you are.

“Just love life Nevaeh!”

This was the moment that began a course correction in my life. It was this single conversation that my mentor and I had in his office. It helped that he also was a long time friend & colleague who always struck me as “odd” because he was SO mother freaking happy all the time, eventually that happiness rubbed off on me. I was in this ridiculous (now it seems) bubble of negativity. At the time I was in 2 toxic relationships…I’ll eventually post on the importance of choosing and how to choose carefully the right people in your life, and how to gracefully excuse those who are causing you pain or toxicity. My boyfriend and best friend at the time were my entire world. I had such a problem with deflecting my own issues and my own self growth, that instead of working on myself, I ran in circles and offered help to these two people. This eventually sucked my soul dry.

“You are a free therapist. It’s causing you anguish and its causing you some major stress. You aren’t LIVING, but hell, you’ve gained quite a lot of karma!” He continued to tell me. “So Nevaeh, tell me, when will you start living?”

I remember shaking my head at him, and began laughing. I honestly didn’t know HOW to get out of the situation I volunteered myself in. In a way, I felt in debt to the two of them for reasons I still to this day I’m not sure of what or why for. 

“I’m terrified.” I looked up at him and with an honest sigh, “I don’t know if I can, if I deserve it.”

He looked at me shocked. “You are missing the point. Living life isn’t about deserving, it’s about identifying your calling, and that defines your search on your journey. I bet you can’t even answer what makes you happy because you are overly consumed by their drama you can’t even focus on your own to grow from!” He continued pointing his finger outside his beautiful office window overlooking all of LA, “You my dear, are meant for more. As your friend, as your business colleague, promise me you’ll accept this challenge for yourself.”

I looked up at him in desperation, I was hooked on every word he was saying because it resonated with my soul. It made sense.

“What is it?”

“Promise yourself to define living for YOU. Once you do, then be as you are.”

I left his office with a weight on my shoulder, it was heavy, but nothing like the burdens I’ve been carrying from these two people I loved so much.

I drove to Venice and stayed there alone for the weekend. I actively searched out LIFE. I didn’t know what I was doing, I didn’t know HOW to do it, I just promised myself I would be immersed in anything and everything that contained living.

I still remained in the situation I was in for another year, but it was Anthony who actively stayed on me, challenging me. He would text me, “Good morning beautiful friend! Go out and LIVE today! How are you living? What new discovery have you found?” Granted his old age helped me trust him and his wisdom, without these challenging texts I probably wouldn’t have done what I came to finally do.

Last year, I walked away from it all. Mentally, physically, emotionally, I was DRAINED. I lost respect for myself. Through this whole process, I developed a hatred. The hate for wasted time. It made my blood boil, thinking back on the time I spent as a therapist and not for myself. I fully participated in the halt of my own growth.

“I’m just so pissed!” 

He looked at me, shook his head, “You miss the point again. You didn’t waste time, you may have been overly involved in their lives which took away from your own growth, but you HAVE grown so much within the last year. Shall we review? You took several trips on your own for your own self discovery, you began writing, you began creating new ideas for new business ventures, you created a dynamic online portal for learning, you developed an amazing resource for women and their self esteem…you went through what you did for one reason. Perhaps, having a 3rd party look in your life is what you need, Nevaeh, you have now 2 years of experience under your belt to help even more people. You have multiplied your skills. You have developed skills that school would never have been able to teach you. You had the internship of Psychology in a real world setting. Be proud. Be excited! Now, you’re a certified life coach, now you have that power behind you to use and help change people’s perspectives and unlock their full potential in life. Wouldn’t you agree that defines you? The passion to help others. That IS you.

I was floored. So floored, I threw up. Laugh it up! Seriously, I threw up because I was disgusted with myself. I couldn’t see the perspective he saw, and that made me sick. How selfish I thought to myself, about myself. Hello humble pie. It taught me to step back, to look at different angles, because that is where life is defined.

Sometimes it takes another person who you trust, you value and who has years of wisdom because they too have gone through something similar, to pull you out of misery and directly in the sunshine of life.

Once you’re in that sunshine…its up to you to shine. It’s up to you to challenge yourself daily on how to overcome whatever it is you are going through by constantly stepping back after every attempt and re-configuring your approach. Overcoming pain is through positive thought, I don’t care what anyone says….the happiest people you come across in life, are happy and bubbly for the very reason that they can rest in the fact that staying positive is the key to life. 

Life, will ALWAYS be a struggle IF YOU ALLOW IT. Life is meant to be a singular journey. The part of life that gets beautiful, is to be able to share your experiences with one another. In a way, it’s advice for your journey to whatever destination that is.

For myself, I left. I didn’t look back. I still get messages and texts from them even after I expressed my very reasons for ending the relationship and friendship. It’s funny, its only then that truth hits home for people. I, however moved on much quicker than I expected for myself, because I took responsibility for my decisions, for my actions, and for my life. I no longer chose to hold myself back any longer. I walked away without hesitation, and I walked away with my head held high. I answered the question my mentor challenged me just a few years ago. I did the work. I did the searching. I accepted that this will be a lifelong journey, but the definition of MY life was clear as day.

January 2012 hit, and so did the truth of “Be as you are”.

I bought a train ticket, packed my bags for a writing retreat, and ventured to Los Angeles to meet my mentor prior. 

“You look lighter, happier!” He said to me with arms wide open.

“Yes…I feel free.” I remember gleaming from ear to ear my smile.

“And how do you feel?”

I relieved a huge sigh, dropped my bags, exhaled grabbed him in a huge hug and started to cry hysterically, “I feel like me, Anthony. I feel like me.”

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Some people have asked me especially in my practice, HOW I overcame what I went through. Some who have read my work, have emailed me in their own anguish anxiously searching for answers just as I was. So, here are some quick tips I’m happily offering up:

My golden rule: ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY for optimal growth

Do the work!

Materials: boxing gloves (for negative or defeated thoughts), positive attitude (as your power source) and provide your soul lots of room (set aside your freaking ego, accept the fact that you need to fall fully, in order to know how to pick yourself up).

1. Surround yourself with positive everything.

Each night I searched for a positive quote. Each morning I posted that positive quote on my Facebook. Each morning I emailed myself a love note with that positive quote, and by the end of the week (that Friday) I wrote about HOW I implemented that quote in my life, my trials.

2. Get a slice of humble pie. 

I started seeing a hypnotherapist in Orange County and started seeing a counselor who was a part of Saddleback Church. Both combinations had me exposed to people who were on drugs, overcoming alcohol addiction, who were homeless, who had no hope…and yet, they openly discussed their pains and showed their scars in our nightly circles. I walked away every meeting feeling more alive. For me, it took knowing what was really going on in our world, for me to understand that life is not “easy”, but that the hardest part, was thinking positively.

I took this exposure further and began to volunteer my time at shelters, at senior homes and gave back after each time I gained strength in ME. In a way, they helped heal me, and I them.

3. Find your outlet. (“Be as you are”)

I loved to write, I love music and I love art. So, what did I do? I combined the three. I took several trips to Balboa, LA and the South to experience all of it. I would plug-in my earphones, look at art and then, I’d find a bench and write.

A few months into this process, I started to feel this truth rising up in my gut. Hard to explain, but it’s where the “clear as day moment” happened. I sat across from a painting that reminded me of Oregon in all its green lush trees, beautiful crystal like lake views, and powder blue sky; I said out loud, “this is it.” At the time I didn’t know it would be now called MOTIVATEme. but that painting grew in my mind of thousand kids, teens, adults all resounding in unity…in love. Gaa…my hope for a peaceful nation.

and lastly 4. Love yourself.

This is when people say “Love yourself first and everything will fall into place” but for me personally, I couldn’t accept this UNTIL I applied the work for myself. It wouldn’t have made sense to me, I’m far too rational and analytically that when I tried thinking, “I love myself!” it I felt like I signed up for some hoaky bullshit where Barney would come popping out of every corner. If you can do that awesome, but personally I think doing the work first will allow you NATURALLY to arrive to loving yourself. I came to KNOW myself more through the work. I came to be KIND to myself more through the work. I came to IDENTIFY my weaknesses through the work, and I came to be INSPIRED through the work.

The work had me daily arrive to epiphanies that turned into new paths. Still to this day…I do the work.

“UBUNTU” I am…because WE are.

Image“An anthropologist proposed a game to children in an African tribe. He put a basket full of fruit near a tree and told the children that whoever got there first won the sweet fruits. When he told them to run, they all took each other’s hands and ran together, then sat together enjoying their treats.

When he asked them why they had run like that when one could have had all the fruits for himself, they said, ‘UBUNTU, how can one of us be happy if all the other ones are sad?’ (‘UBUNTU’ in the Xhosa culture means: ‘I am because we are.)” – Excerpt posted from Success Nation

I was very moved by this post for many reasons. What attracted me to the post first was the photo. I’m very intrigued by cultural photos. They make me feel engaged toward my curiosity to want to understand what other societies are doing. I get emotionally invested in understanding what their beliefs are and how they live. I’m fascinated because, like most American’s, I want to define happiness for myself. In America, our happiness is not appreciated because it’s sold through various means of propaganda. Whereas other cultures teach that happiness is a state of living.

The road to happiness is a culmination of focusing on compassion, gratitude and a constant open heart for love. I asked myself how I would go about building this for myself, if indeed happiness is a state of living. What does that road look like?

That road for me came in the form of MOTIVATEme.

MOTIVATEme. is a non-profit organization that focuses on positive social change. MOTIVATEme. is built from a dream of developing a new society, one in which builds up people vs. tearing them down. A society in which dreams are cultivated and nourished, where endless resources are at the fingertips of change-makers so that positive social change will be in constant movement.

Photo courtsey of 123RF.com

Why this road for me? I have found that America has turned into a negative, fearful and fragile land. This causes each individual to mimic the same emotions, which are personified daily through our actions. That means, daily we infect each other with either positive or negative vibes. Consider this thought, what if you were only exposed to a reality that enforced positivity? How would you live? Would it be different? America was once named the land of opportunity, now she should be renamed and known for her debt and lack of happiness per capita.

My passion is derived from personal experience; being told that my dream for social change, for being a writer, for inspiring others is a dream that I’d continue to chase and never achieve, for the rest of my life. I was told, by several people, that the desire to transform society through positivity is an unobtainable goal.

Photo courtsey of 123RF.com

In my line of work, I am a life coach. I work with a variety of individuals. Some are business owners of large companies, others are single mothers or college students, all of which share one common goal; to identify their true passions and then motivate them to come alive. The work I do is very rewarding. I connect with each person I work with through understanding the root of their lack of drive. I find their passions in one territory through sharing stories of different perspectives. This helps launch one to a new vantage point in their life; creating inspirational and motivational course change.

I always loved the famous Gandhi quote “my life is my message.” I meditated on this idea of a new society and pursued MOTIVATEme. and just as I did, I was exposed to UBUNTU.

I am successful….because WE ARE.

I am confident…because WE ARE.

I am positive….because WE ARE.

I am___________……..because WE ARE. (Fill in the blank).

I started to see everything in my life differently. My life started to change as I gained a new perspective of oneness. I witnessed that oneness that UBUNTU is, through those involved in MOTIVATEme. It is a growing community who are tired of living in a society who fends for themselves. They are tired of living in negativity. They practice unity and positivity.

In order for society to be revived, we must first remove competition from one another.

At the end of the day, we are all fighting for our lives. Fighting essentially for the way we believe them to be. We spend time hoping and creating an expectation that always fails; instead of being grateful and letting go. We are in search of oneness because of how cold society has become. We compete with one another, instead of including each other in happiness, in joy and in love. When we include each other, and we run hand in hand just as the UBUNTU saying describes, we empower each other. It is the quickest charge back to life. It is the quickest surge that ignites motivation, inspiration and compassion inside you.

It is a power that provides solid peace.

I knew when I pursued MOTIVATEme. it was because I desire to see UBUNTU throughout my life. I wanted that for the world.

My happiness is in UBUNTU.

http://lipstickandpolitics.com/empower/8356

THE PASSION PROJECT: I don’t have a passion….where can I buy one?

 One of my most FAVORITE questions I get asked when I bring on a new client, and we start our first 10 minutes of getting to know each other to see if we’re a good fit, is “What is your passion?” I usually get the look of deer in headlights.

Have you asked yourself what your passion is? Have you identified it? Do you know what it FEELS like? Do you know how to achieve success FOR that passion? Do you know what INSPIRES and MOTIVATES you to chase after your passion?

This is one of my specialities, only because I am enamoured by our minds. I love learning about how we come to conclusions, questions, growth, self-awareness, all from our minds. We transfer in our minds to our “voice in our head” over 60, 000 thoughts a day! How many of those thoughts are positive vs. negative? Have you considered WHERE your thoughts originate from? What is your mind exposed to, to cause these thoughts?

One of my clients said to me, “I don’t have a passion. Where can I buy one?” As a joke I told her there was no local convenience store that could offer that, as passion isn’t convenient its work.

Here’s an internal project to do:

Duration: 10 Minutes – 30 Minutes

Needs: Favorite Pen & Paper

On your paper create a 3 column grid.

1st column = AGE

2nd column = ACTIVITY

3rd column = EMOTION

Let’s begin!

1.

Column 1= The age when the thought “Who Am I?” first came into your mind?

Column 2 = The ACTIVITY you delved into due to this thought (i.e. writing, sports, outdoor, friends, etc)

Column 3 = The EMOTION you remember feeling during this moment (i.e. lonliness, depressed, happy, excited)

2.

Column 1 = The age when you CARED about WHO you are.

Column 2 = The ACTIVITY you were emotionally involved in due to you caring about WHO you are

Column 3 = The EMOTION you remember feeling WHILE you were in this moment

3.

Column 1 = The age you DECIDED to ACT on FINDING you.

Column 2 = The ACTION(S) involved to CREATE/MOTIVATE the answer to FINDING you (your likes, dislikes)

Column 3 = The EMOTION you remember feeling while you were in this moment

4.

Column 1 – The age you took RESPONSIBILITY for YOUR ACTIONS in finding YOURSELF

Column 2- The ACTION(S) involved to DRIVE your motivation in finding yourself

Column 3 – The EMOTION you remember feeling while you were in this moment

Now…let’s stop here before we go to the final #5….let’s look back on your answers….

You’ll notice a progression from the first age you wrote down, all the way down to the 4th. They should be different. However, results vary based on upbringing, what you were exposed to as far as self actualization is concerned. If you notice column 3 never changes in the question. That is because emotions are ever-changing…and they are ever changing BASED on WHAT we involve ourselves into. See why fear robs us of our happiness? Fear stops us from being involved in new things, when in fact those “new things” push us into our true self.

For example this is mine.

You can see by the 4th point in my life, my lost feelings turned into unhappiness, that unhappiness turned to happiness and then my happiness turned into a myriad of emotions. However, if you notice my emotions changed BASED on what I was exposing myself to. Notice at age 20 I stopped climbing…what was my emotional response from doing only 1 thing?

I think you see my point here…there is no 1 passion…there are multiples…but let’s go onto #5

Draw a line underneath the final column….

5.

Column 1 – The age you CHOSE to PURSUE one of YOUR actions.

Column 2- The ACTION you chose.

Column 3 – The EMOTION you remember feeling while you were in this moment

At this stage, you KNOW who you are, the part of you that acknowledges responsibility and realizes that you are a creator of YOUR destiny. At this stage you are THE CREATOR OF YOUR LIFE. You know how to dream, you have the courage to pursue your dream, and you are INSPIRED.

This is a WONDERFUL tool to use to gauge your own self awareness and to keep you on track and motivated on your goals.

Remember, it is important for true success to take 1 hour every week to dedicate to yourself. To find your balance and to recharge your energy.

Passion is what is INSIDE your heart. That’s why this project is designed to LOOK inside of you, inside of what your inner thoughts are saying, and to start listening to your true voice, and not the voice of fear who constantly holds us back on a daily basis.

What are 3 things you plan to do this August that will give you MORE exposure to things you may be passionate about?!

GET OUT THERE AND LIVE! 🙂

With Love & Gratitude,

Nevaeh Marie

Feed your mind with positivity, with infectious positive change

Over the weekend I have had some time to think about catch up on all the new changes that are happening in my life. Lately I feel like a damn broken record having said that exact statement where I am starting to not be able to catch up with this constant change.

On Friday I received notification of a few press releases I did recently. A few from Atlanta, and a few from locally here in San Diego. I have been in a way very “ballsy” on getting my name, my passion, and my recognition out there in the business realm. I’ve been in this transitional portion of my career. I have decided to go all in on creating this Refuge Center for teens. It’s a start for change, and in the right direction in my opinion for our broken society.

I have heard of about 7 different stories this year alone on teen drug addiction, and as of lately, teen suicide. We all have our stories, and they are filled with pain and some of us try our damndist to make sure we never think about the traumatic pain again. However, I thought this is it. This is THE TIME to actually pursue this, and it all started with Mr. Moses.

I decided to spill the beans on an interview this morning with a publishing company for my book, “Doctor Me” which is about my teen drug addiction and depression that I suffered from, but overcame through doctoring myself. Not to discredit psychiatrists or counselors, my belief is that the best way to overcome especially with someone so intimate as depression, is through doctoring yourself. I include programs that I designed for myself, and have provided to friends and loved ones who found they worked for themselves too. It’s how my visionary program was born, and how I continue to believe that all of “this” happened to me for a reason….and that is to infect change in our broken society.

If you know me, you know I’m loud about something I am passionate about. You know I’ll be the first to take a stand, I’ll be the first to share my opinion…even if it’s not being asked! Mr. Moses, is the very reason why every single day since the 4th of July I’ve worked through my angst of wanting to stay closed for business, and decided it’s time to get back up and start working again. This time…I re-open for change.

The Refuge Center has been a dream of mine for so long, but so has this book about what I’ve gone through. It feels very “naked” of me to speak so openly about what I went through with drugs, alcohol and how I dealt with depression, but I keep going for the message that Moses gave me. “Speak through your heart, live through your heart, inspire from your heart” he would always say to me. It’s ironic how messages become clearer when someone is gone. It’s as if the message roars.

This morning during my brunch meeting, I came in roaring with a message. “Infect Change!” I yelled to the business owners sitting there handing off business cards like a damn herd of cattle. Somedays, especially on Monday’s I seem to not withstand the blue-collar attitudes and stuffiness involved in these brunches that I feel it’s my duty to AWAKEN them. They all stared at me, quiet…a few who I don’t recognize give me dirty looks, this is what I look for. I like for you to feel uncomfortable, when you are uncomfortable I get to work with the raw you, not the “im in my suit” you. I challenged these owners to look inside themselves and ask where their money is going. Are they donating to a cause, are they infecting change in our society or are they just “living” amongst it?

“I see more causes, more passion from my Facebook friends than I do in a brunch full of business owners.” I said very boldly. I could sense the tension, the squeamishness and perhaps even their suits getting tighter. “I challenge you to fathom spending money on a child in need, a homeless man who needs shelter, a battered wife who needs hope, even an animal who is facing slaughter.” I wish you all could have been there or I should have snapped a photo, I saw nothing but faces of outrage, except no one spoke up. No one shouted back at me. No one challenged me. It was quiet, and a little awkward to be honest, but it’s necessary.

I have been causing a “ruckus” for several years, if it’s not at company functions, it’s at companies and if I believe in something, I’ll speak up, what I don’t get is often times I notice I am the only one speaking up.

What is it about the social media circle that is in more in tune with infecting positive change in this world vs the “real” world?

“How can we as in the social media circle, amplify positive change in our broken society?” My partner Patrick makes a valid point, and in turn I logged into my Facebook and showed him all the change I see on a daily basis. “It’s as if the world is waking up” he says with his jaw almost to the floor.

My point is this…feed YOUR mind right. Feed your mind with positivity, with infectious positive change, with passion to see a difference in our world and you will find that passion becomes action when you least expect it.

This is a start….but as I said it earlier this morning to challenge these business owners I have worked with, I challenge my friends, my family, and my colleagues. What are you doing to infect positive change on our world? What will you do?

It takes 5 minutes to say hello to a stranger and have a small conversation….

It takes 2 minutes to hand a sandwich to a homeless man….

It takes 1 minute to decide you’ll help when you see help needed…

What’s stopping you now?

 “We rise together. We are strength in numbers. Our society may be broken, but those of us who are awake, those of us who are not just a part of the herd, we rise. We rise in positivity and are armoured by courage. We rise and we fight. We fight against the authority and choose to protect and help each other. One day, we will look at our society against the corrupt government and see change and be pleased that our people will finally be treated as people.”

What do you believe in?

If you’re human, you have something you strongly believe in. Something that moves you. Something that moves your soul. Something that gets you to stand up and want to take charge.

If someone were to ask you, what is your belief, how would you answer?

This morning on my Thursday Coaching Conference call, my coach decided to single me out and challenge me with this question, “Nevaeh, what do you believe in?”. To be honest, I froze thinking, “Is this a spiritual answer?” My angle is always to respond with intellect, but being in the line of work I am in, I have to first respond with my heart.

I said, “I believe in human equality.”

My coach went on, “In what regard?”

I responded, “In all regards. How can I not want that for humanity? Our world in America is defined by laws, restrictions, and conditions that leave hope to be equated to hopelessness. I want to put a stop to it. It is unfair to watch people for example, who have had drug issues due to their upbringing, location, what they are exposed to, to be constantly judged for what they do not know how to overcome. Remember Bryant? Remember how I fought for him? This was recent! How terrible is it to feel judged? How terrible is it to feel conditioned because a judge or a law official tells you that you cannot become anything more than a drug addict because “this is what you live in, this is what you were born into”. This is the SOCIETY we live in today. This is the TRUTH of our SOCIETY. This is the government we support everyday. It angers me, it brings me pain to think of it. I am glad that I was able to help 1 kid, 1 teen to move into a school system and work on his GED with supervision and assistance to EDUCATE about drugs, about the reasons why it is “wrong” and more importantly, how to correct his behavior by showing him how life CAN be for him. By giving him the choice to choose for himself.” 

My coach responded, “You provided hope.”

I responded, “No, I provided him a choice for his life. That’s all I wanted to do.”

My coach responded, “This is your life’s purpose.”

For the last almost 10 years of my sobriety, I have meditated on questioning my existence. I should have been dead. I have my book on drug addition called “Doctor Me” coming out in Spring of 2013 and it’s been a delight and hardship to work on it. Tough only because I am reliving moments of my past that I wish I could just put to rest, but I am excited to share the ways that I helped “Doctor” myself and how I used counseling, family, friends, and an openness to overcome my demons to help myself, now in turn to help others. I didn’t realize that I was onto something until I met Bryant about 6 months ago. I’m not one to sit on an idea. I’m not one to sit and wait for someone to make the first move. When I met Bryant, he was clearly lost. All he had to say to me was, “I want help. What do I do now?” I took the wheel for him, and showed him how to steer for himself.

I was challenged. Opposed. I never had a mother get in my face the way his did to me. I argued. I battled. I’ll eventually share his full story one day, but it posed a huge question in my mind this morning on this call…what do we believe in? How are we making changes and progressing in those beliefs?

I’m a Type A personality, and I get that most of the coaches I work with are too, but as we all look around this world as social entrepreneurs we see issues. We see holes. “Stop believing in authority, and start believing in each other” is something that we should ALL as a society be focusing on. Asking ourselves, why are we still giving authority power and control? Look at your world! Look at your society. Are you proud? Do you believe in it? You live in this society, it is yours. Take ownership. Are you hurting it or saving it? Do you feel like YOU are too small to make any kind of change? I know I did…for a while…but one kid…one child changed my world. His NEED for change, touched me. His NEED for guidance motivated me. What will move you?

I instantly felt like a complete idiot the moment I took on Bryant. I felt like an idiot because for years I just sat still. For years I didn’t move, didn’t seek. For years I only TALKED about helping. For years I only DREAMED about a refuge center for kids. When will YOU take a stand for something YOU believe in?

My conversation with the coaches lasted an extra 45 minutes longer than expected. A well spent 45 minutes longer. ” Ms. Morgan, how can I assist you in the change movement?” “Ms. Morgan, I can help donate a shelter offering in a 3rd world country.” “Ms. Morgan, I can help donate my time, free of charge for 3 students.”

Speak up. Talk, share YOUR passions. People will be moved when they see your passion. They will believe in your passion too. It becomes infectous when it comes from an honest heart.

What will you do today that will make a difference for tomorrow?

Where are you going?

ImageThis last week has been a challenging week for me…multiple reasons. I have been on a mission to find out what to do with my time, my businesses, my coaching, my spare time, and the list goes on. Fortunately I have been blessed to have too much on my plate than very little on my plate, however it gets daunting when I don’t know which one to pour my energy into.

I spent time in my Nevaeh Office brain to decipher which goals are appropriate to go after. I have been asked several times to share details on how to come up with a solid approach to identify goals to pursue and which ones not to. There really is not “real” answer to this. Each one of us works on goals and taking initiative to complete them differently. You MUST have the desire to motivate yourself continuously because no one else will do that for you. Sometimes life-coaches like myself, are wonderful for adding value to your motivation, but you can only draw a horse to water…the rest is up to you.

This quote has always struck a chord in me to have my fire lit again. I would rather at the end of my life look back and see that I took more chances on things I wanted to do, vs spending time thinking about those chances and wishing I actually did them and reviewing how I might have felt, or where my life would have went had I done so.

I may have mentioned before that I assist at a senior home monthly. On the 4th of July, I baked some cookies and stopped by. It’s honestly been months since I’ve been there, but I was immediately touched to see faces that remembered me. One gentlemen who I read to caught up with me. I watched him and smiled as he was delighted to actually have a snicker-doodle cookie, he sat back in his wheelchair, propped his right elbow on the armrest and fed himself his cookie. A nurse stood by to help, but I nodded at her to give Mr. Moses a chance to trust in his abilities. He said, “you can go now, I want to just talk to my angel” to the nurse. I swear my name is a derivative to anything “heaven” based because of my name, I really am not as much of an angel as some like to nickname me, but I am often flattered by it. It makes my heart smile.

Mr. Moses finished his cookie, smiled and thanked me for thinking of everyone on a National Holiday that normally would call people my age to drink and party, instead I was there with him reading. Moments like that, make me remember that THIS is what life is about. I responded, “The 4th is too busy for that, I have the weekend to be freely out of control”. Mr. Moses’ laughed, his laugh roars throughout the entire home infectiously making the others laugh, including myself. He held my hand and told me he felt like he needed to tell me something…I have been seeing Mr. Moses for a while, someone who has attributed to my personal growth. We spend the majority of our visits reading and discussing life lessons.

“Angel….tell me…are you happy with your life, where it’s at, where it’s going?”

“Yes…you know me, I am always revising my life to make sure I am moving ahead and not backwards.”

“Angel….don’t spend too much time in your mind, you have a beautiful mind, but your heart….that heart is hidden lately. I can tell.”

At this point, I never felt anyone aside from my boyfriend look INSIDE me and genuinely give me something to work on. I always appreciate this.

“You are right. I actually have felt that blockage…perhaps it’s the recent events I told you about that closed me off.”

He shook his head and smiled at me, “Remember when I told you to question yourself and your goals…would you rather be a woman who is strong using her mind and her intellect to affect change, to create an empire, or would you rather be a woman who is so strong in her love for herself, her life, her world, her friends, her family, to create a passion…that same passion I saw months ago when you first walked into here. Where is that light?”

I started to smile, gleaming from ear to ear at him…and then I began to cry…he held me in the best embrace he could provide me in his old age stature, for 10 minutes as I just dumped what was going on to him.

“I’m scared of not being successful….having to close 3 companies because it isn’t my direction anymore scares me because I felt like I wasted my time. It honestly feels like I can’t give energy to anything new because I am mourning over it.”

He laughed again at me, and sat me upright, “Darlin’ you are the most tenacious woman I have seen since the 50’s! You have accomplished so much, that you need to celebrate your accomplishments. All accomplishments end, they are goals you complete and your personality is one that breeds new territory on a regular basis. Be happy you are of a few who can cultivate that, and share that wisdom with others so we have a world of dream cultivators! You of all people should never second guess yourself, you of all people should be second guessing why you aren’t pursuing everything YOU desire.”

“How do I do that?”

“You start with what your heart is telling you….then you write it down, and you work on a plan using that mind of yours to create that goal to come to fruition. And then you do it. And then you enjoy it. Always give gratitude back to yourself for a hard work done. Start with the heart, use your brain to fuel your hearts desire, and move through your goals with the passion that your heart provides. That is the secret to success.”

I was in full-blown tears at this point because his words were resounding truth in my ears. He was right…I have spent more time in my mind lately than spending more time in my heart and too afraid to let my heart shine or have others feel the warmth I have.

The same goes with our goals….sometimes we are too much in our “heads” our “minds” where it feels as if we’ve lived out the goal…but really we are remaining in a dreamlike state never moving forward. Don’t be afraid to have countless “oh wells” for they are the lessons learned, the added wisdom, and not wasted time….and we are the dream cultivators. We are the goal warriors. We have EVERYTHING provided to us that will create success, the only thing stopping us is us.

So…I ask myself, “Where am I going?” My answer….”Everywhere I WANT to go”

Dedicated to the influential & loving “Mr. Moses” aka Valentine.

Rest in Peace: 2/13/1921-7/8/2012 “Mr. Moses”

The easiest question asked…the hardest to answer…

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I love myself. Do you love yourself?

That should be the easiest question you answer in life.

During our morning call to start our week, the coach that helps each of us Motivational Interns as I call it, challenges us daily to “answer honestly”. This is a question he springs on when we least expect it individually, and I’ve started to ask myself randomly throughout my day too.

This morning mid conversation, he says “Miss Nevaeh Marie, do you love yourself?” I responded, “If I didn’t I wouldn’t be involved in the line of work I am. I wouldn’t consciously make strides for MY future, for MY happiness, and spread that wealth of love to others. I selflessly love others, and selfishly love myself.” I heard him clapping over the phone and I proceeded to bust up in laughter.

I like being around people who challenge me to be better, because they KNOW of my potential. I have been working with Ken for about 4 years now on and off. He actually was my life coach, and I worked real closely with his counterpart “Miss M” as we call her for about 2 years now. Life coaches and motivational speakers are different than counselors…not to discredit counselors…but the awesome part of my growth was heavily involved with these two outstanding individuals and the group.  The reason why they are so different is they are more directly involved in the growth of YOUR life. Counselors are more directly involved in the listening of your crap. That is my experience at least. Counselors I always felt as if I was paying someone to listen to me ramble, and complain…whereas with a lifecoach I felt as if I was partnering with someone who actively helped guide me.They both asked me this simple question, “Do you love yourself” for the last 2 years religiously.

In the beginning, I couldn’t even answer the question.

No one really asked me if I did, or what I thought of myself. I’m sure the same is even for you.

Our coach advises each of us to be able to answer the question within seconds. The moment the question comes up, a good test of faith to gauge where we are emotionally in our walk is to answer honestly. If I do not feel self love for myself, I make it an effort to find the reason/root for the why, and figure out the how from there to transform my thought process.

“Could we change our attitude, we should not only see life differently, but life itself would come to be different.”

I have noticed over my own growth path, that this is not a race. Transforming a thought process from self negligence to self love IS work.

Remember a few posts back, I explained that even for some of my clients, they refuse to move forward because they are frightened by the realization of self negligence….and it is important to realize that, but also to make the decision to move forward and live.

We have an AMAZING ability to transform thought and CREATE happiness in OUR lives.

Do you understand that? I didn’t when I was first told that….so I tested it…and I challenge you to do the same…

Me being a analytical and overwhelmingly stubborn woman, I challenge everything posed onto me…I was told I was creating the exact life I wanted at this exact moment. At that exact moment I looked at my life and said, “This f&*#ing blows” so granted I wanted to challenge this. I was a blamer…I liked to place the blame on others and NEVER I mean NEVER take responsibility for myself or my actions.

I went with Miss M to an art gallery, and it was perfect this day was no different than the rest, and I was head down, walking around as if my life was sucked out of my very soul. I like many others, have gone through some “shit” who hasn’t…but to me, I was so sheltered IN THE MUCK of my own CRAP that I refused to see the light in life. I actually many times consciously said “No thanks” to being happy.

Be careful that you aren’t making that same mistake….

Anyway, I listened to her tell me to let go…she handed me an ipod with the band XX playing in my ear, I walked around as Miss M sat on the bench near me. I felt safe with her around for me to meander and wander through a gallery of the most gorgeous photos by Ansel Adams. I was taken back…I was incredibly awkward at first…I bumped into a few people by accident, I checked my phone multiple times, and I wanted to at some points just say screw it and leave.

I came across a black and white photo he did of a 1950’s couple…the guy in the photo was kissing his wife goodbye. There was so much dreariness to the photo, saddness yet happiness involved…I stood there for about 20 minutes thinking…gazing…and at that moment, I grasped the idea…”I have to choose to love myself.”

A few tears dropped down my right cheek and I remember I felt a weight lifted off of me. I felt a burst of excitement bubble from the mid level of my stomach, and without hesitation I started to smile from ear to ear. My eyes were lit up, I stood up straight, I felt every inch of my body, every fiber inside of me…literally light up.

One thought.

One inspired thought.

Transformed…my entire existence.

YOU have the choice.

Take it from a girl who was scared and eager to say no to happiness…to choosing happiness, and to everyday WANT to be surrounded by joy.

I know what it is like to choose the other side, and don’t worry you don’t have to share your reasoning’s…just know…eventually it’ll get old. You have one life…

Make it count….at the end of the day, you make yourself proud…or you could let yourself down.

PS: A challenge aside from asking if you love yourself is if you are surrounded by loved ones who challenge your self growth…or if they rather watch you stay running in place.