Your opinion of the World…IS a confession of character…

“People seem not to see that their opinion of the world is also a confession of character.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

This morning on my conference call with my fellow motivational speakers, I was in awe of the quote that was rambled off this morning. I LOVE Emerson, so it wasn’t a big surprise that my ears and heart perked up over the conversation. However, I was surprised to hear the punch line…”is also a confession of character”.

For a while, if some of you have known me for years or have watched my growth path, you’ll understand where and also why I have come to a certain thought process on society. No No I don’t “hate” society, but I do think that in some aspects, our society has grown lazy in thought, and lazy in strength. That is why there are motivational speakers, life coaches, relationship experts that are employed by either their own practice or books. However, the coach who teaches us was right in adding to Emerson’s quote…we DO have a duty, each and every one of us, to AFFECT change, to then alter our thought process of what the world is; no matter how frusterating or ugly it can be.

I place a whole lot of responsibility on myself for self growth. I view self growth in 3 ways,

1. Physically – Am I taking care of MY body, MY temple. I try and participate in my love for rock climbing and ballet as I have for the last 8 years of my life, and incorporating beautiful scenery with my physical activity, since that is important to me. I try to hike, camp, partake in beach activities as much as I can.

2. Emotionally- Am I emotionally balanced, and if not what will I do to balance myself? I meditate or paint usually to stop the static in my mind. I appreciate beautiful art accompanied by music, and doing this alone will also help bring about any emotions that are festering deep inside of you.

If you ever find yourself crying out of nowhere, or feeling emotionally overwhelmed try sitting alone (hell even in your car) by the beach during sunset, or a nice quite park, and feel the love for yourself. When you cry alone or feel emotionally overwhelmed, it is a sign that you are self neglecting and you need to revisit why, and make the appropriate changes so you put yourself first again. Remember: You cannot make others happy without making YOU happy first.

3. Taking on something new- One of the best and quick ways to learn about yourself. Self discovery is not only fun but brings about questions and new ideas of growth for yourself. I sometimes even just take a different route to work, have lunch with someone new at a new place, or one of my favorites is vintage shopping alone…I get to search through new territory and discover new pieces. It thrills me!

However, since this conversation this morning each one of us decided to add to each of our own checklists.

How can we change our opinion on the world to an effective positive way to affect change in our character if this is a direct correlation?

Challenging I know…we all debated for about 45 minutes before someone blurted out the most obvious answer. This to me reminds me of a piece of advice I gave to a client:

“When all else fails, when you doubt and have no direction….just love.”

I love the World. I love the World. I love the World.

I appreciate what the World provides me, I want to sustain what the World offers in its natural beauty.

It was as if a mantra was occurring through my ears, and my eyes began to transform in thought of HOW I was viewing the very World I live in

I have been begging the Universe for a challenge…this morning I was granted my wish….

What will YOU do to affect change on your opinion of the World so your character shines ever so brightly in positivity?

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Ladies, YOU are an UNSTOPPABLE force…

“You’ve done it before and you can do it now. See the positive possibilities. Redirect the substantial energy of your frustration and turn it into positive, effective, unstoppable determination.”

So, some exciting news is that the long time passionate fun that my family and I would do every time I visit back home in the South is Vintage Shop. I started when I was a little girl with my Great Grandma and Grandma in St. Joseph Missouri. They would take me first to the beauty shop where I got to play with different ways to do my nails and got immediately obsessed with all the scarves and hats that were sold in the beauty shops. I always loved the charm that little towns in the mid-west and South had and maintained the quaint love of vintage in each memory I have as a kid.

It’s no surprise that years later I was buying in bulk every single time I visited the Carolina’s. One weekend my step Mom and I were out every single day, 4 days in a row and after spending a couple hundred dollars, I walked away with almost 2 suitcases worth of AMAZING jackets, shoes, scarves, hats and the list goes on. I later used them in modeling, gave them away to friends, and eventually started selling them.

” I would have never thought of wearing some of the hats I wear or scarves I wear before you.  Now I am bold and brave about it – all thanks to you!  You give me courage.” These comments are the very reason I decided to turn a family tradition into a business. The West coast unfortunately doesn’t even come close to what the South offers, and for a while I was talked out of this idea of bringing the Southern vintage to the West Coast. Now…after many conversations, interactions with local businesses…I have found just by extending my tentacles that this idea could help save the love of vintage in the West Coast. Had I not begun a small research, I would have spent another several years doubting MY idea. How terrible!

My point is this…I am an opportunist. If I see an opportunity, and I feel as if I can somehow provide an opening, an assistance, and it’s geared from my passion…THEN ABSO-FREAKING-LUTELY am I going to pursue it.

So many times now I hear of women talking themselves out of great ideas because business still sometimes is viewed as a “man’s world”…

Real talk…Ladies…my lovely ladies…embrace the change, embrace the inspiration that’s inside of you. We only have ONE LIFE…and though I am thankful for having had the career path I had, I am all the more grateful for the career paths I create for MYSELF. Once you have done it once…you are forever changed.

I have 2 mentors that tell me constantly, “Nevaeh, YOU ARE AN UNSTOPPABLE FORCE” and every day I battle with my annoying doubter side of me who tells me otherwise. If I listened to that other voice…I would have never gained the experience that I have today.

So I’m telling YOU now ladies, YOU ARE AN UNSTOPPABLE FORCE…YOU HAVE THE ABILITY TO CREATE ANYTHING YOU WANT FOR YOUR LIFE BECAUSE YOU ARE STRONG, CONFIDENT, SMART AND DON’T FORGET AMAZING. UNSTOPPABLE FORCES ARE A THREAT TO THOSE WHO SPEND THEIR LIVES DOUBTING. YOU ARE NOT A DOUBTER…YOU ARE UNSTOPPABLE.

Sometimes…it’s best to just fall…and KNOW…you can always pick yourself up.

Fear is the #1 conqueror in our everyday lives.

What I have ALWAYS loved about the women who I have met within the “pin-up/vintage world” is they all have the very same attitude that I have in my heart…it is a no bullsh!t approach to life, a “I don’t give a crap I’m doing this…” attitude and the very confident courageous yet open embrace to life that is the reason I BELIEVE in and look up to the women who have this.

Each one of us women…have the capability to inspire and feed the fire of our motivation, we have an uncanny way of using our intuition as a power to cultivate our determination.

I have met more business owners that are women than men in today’s business world, and I am in constant contact with local businesses being in the field of work I am in, and the best advice I can provide to any woman out there who is second guessing is this…YOU ARE A CREATOR OF YOUR LIFE…ask yourself these:

1. Am I HAPPY with what I have created?

2. Is this MY creation?

3. If it’s not…what is the picture of MY CREATION?

4. Am I holding myself back because of “circumstances”? (and if you are, snap out of it…you’ll be stuck there for years never moving forward, constantly talking yourself out of it,and then someone else will come up with the same idea and pursue it)

and 5. What’s REALLY stopping me? (Face it…and move FORWARD…if you felt excited over a project or an idea with that burning desire to do it…then DO IT!)

Find a role model that you adore…mine are Audrey Hepburn and Oprah, both timeless women who evoke courage and beauty from within, I learned and still learn many lessons of the type of woman I want to become thanks to their attributes.

Who is your LEADING LADY and what are you doing to cultivate a new direction for YOUR life?

The Sing your <3 heart out dare!

I don’t know about you, but I get super pumped and hyped when I get involved in something that AFFECTS change. There is nothing that compares to the amount of gratifying “good feelings” you get from being a part of something that affects change. Perhaps most of us get sold on that idea…but whatever it is…it’s great to have that fingerprint for change.

This morning during one of my life coaching calls, we were discussing a new approach to affecting change and  inspiring our clients on HOW to affect change in your life. Did you know it’s one of the hardest things to commit to, yet we’re so eager to help affect change for a cause not of our “own”?

Why is it so difficult to affect change for OUR own cause?

Every single one of us has a cause that we are trying to work on affecting. Every single one of us has goals and accomplishments that we would like to see continue flourishing, but yet every single one of us gets in the lazy slump, discouraged and our change becomes unaffected.

My guru came up with a simple tool about a year ago while I was obsessing over my issues with the inability to stay on the change coaster.

It was in the midst of my writing for a small publication, and for the life of me I kept coming back at my writing with a blank mind. I tried painting, I tried singing in the shower, I tried rock climbing, ballet, surfing, I even went out to my secluded secret beach spot during a sunset trying to romanticize myself to come up with something, anything…and yet…still nothing! I was incredibly discouraged and frustrated. I could feel anger seeping into my veins, and thought I either better go grab a drink or go for a run and cool off.

I remembered a conversation I had with my guru a while back…he told me, “Do you ever just roll down your windows, blare a ridiculously awesome ballad, and sing your heart out when your angry? Talk about a mind release.” and I thought…let’s do it. I’ve literally tried everything in a 2 day span.

It was a very sunny and gorgeous day in Orange County, and I was in 5PM traffic. I thought…perfect…the one time out of the day I get the inspiration to do this project. Being the motivational aspect of my client’s lives, I had to challenge myself to do this regardless of how embarrassing this was about to make me feel.

So I rolled down my windows, put in my Live Journey CD, and blared on max volume “Dont stop believing”. 15 mph and the awesome stop and go’s allowed me to make eye contact with my fellow traffic peeps, and as I gave into the music and just allowed myself to let go and live in the moment, I noticed as I opened my eyes mid rock out session during the chorus, I noticed the car to the right of me full of college kids playing along with me, to my left I got nothing but odd looks so I did the ole pointer gesture at them and a wink. I was HAVING SO MUCH FUN, I FORGOT EVERYTHING AT THAT MOMENT.

As the song ended, I turned down my radio…traffic started to pick up again and my smile didn’t leave my face for about 2 weeks. During that time, I wrote an article which was submitted and published…I never told anyone about this except for my family who was my #1 support through this time. Writing was something I kept hidden, like singing and dancing…I know I’m weird with my “talents” but doing a project like this…helped me get a little outside of my shell and into living in the moment.

Sometimes…we just need to step away from our lives and into living…

I dare you…in fact I double dog dare you to try this…you can’t beat songs from the 80’s to early 90’s to blare this…and you never know…you could just as well might be brightening another persons day too!

Happy Singing 😉

“The future depends on what we do in the present. – Mahatma Gandhi”

The dictionary identifies “inspiration” as the process of being mentally stimulated to do or feel something.

Incredibly interesting because that poses the question, how many of us are moved by what our mind tells us or by what our heart tells us?

Passion is the driving force for motivation.  I remember one instance with a business owner in Los Angeles a few years ago and we had a life changing discussion about passion. He told me that he didn’t have passion. He didn’t know what “that” was. In one swept motion I touched his shoulder and said “that’s heartbreaking.” I will never forget the face he gave me, and the instant tears that ran down his face. I struck a chord! I thought, shit what do I do now?

I gave him his moment encouraged him to “let it out” and that he did. I told him to do one of my favorite exercises that help with getting all the “static thought” out onto paper. I handed him a freshly sharpened pencil and a sticky note. I said, “Now I want you to write only one word descriptions of how you feel and how you felt 5 minutes ago. You can only write on this one post it.” He looked at me like I was crazy, but I did my nod of encouragement and walked over to his window of the 18th floor. This window took up from floor to ceiling, it was stunning. There was a moment where my stomach did a flip being so high up.  I could hear his pencil tapping on the conference room table as I looked over at these vast skyscrapers. “Breathtaking isn’t it?” he said.

My response, “Is that how YOU feel about these skyscrapers, about this view?” He gave me a smirk of a smile, then nodded at me and started his one word project with his old school no. 2 pencil. I stood still with my back to him, looking out the large glass window and just smiled from ear to ear. “He understood” I thought in my head. Standing almost 16 floors up, I could imagine why he would question his “skyscraper passion”. Is this really beauty?

I wanted him to grasp the moment, revel in HIS moment. He reached a pivotal point in HIS LIFE. Often times we miss this by being overly concerned with the approval of our mind, identifying the moment as inspired thought. For example, how many times have you probably overlooked a sense of inspiration because you thought, “well I didn’t THINK it happened” or “my mind didn’t say that I did”.

The mind is what keeps you rational, that I believe, but often times it can be the demise of major life transformation.

After this session we had, I got a call from him about 2 weeks later. This business owner sold his company, and checked out of his skyscraper to move cross-country within a few months. “I’ve always wanted to travel.” He told me…and you’d assume a successful business owner would have done so, but as he went on to tell me, “I realized I gave my 20 years to business, I want to give the next 20 to myself, doing what I love.”  It always fascinates me and excites me to witness a vision and the domino affect of change that happens because of that, regardless of what direction it takes them. It’s inspiring to see the motivation, as a “can’t stop me” locomotive. This guy I knew had it. He had that spark that I try to find in every person I work with.

He is currently involved in rescue for horses and breeds horses. He is a huge advocate and passionate soul for animals. He is using the funds he was making and providing charitable support and making some MAJOR changes in the realm of saving horses from being euthanized.  The idea of what a “perfect life” varies from person to person. I shared parts of his story to help give you the vision that often times is misrepresented that being successful or “living the dream” isn’t always about how much money you are making. Want to be rich? Go about doing something that YOU are passionate about…it won’t feel like work, and you’ll find yourself happier, healthier, and more vibrant for the rest of your life.

Have you taken a good look at where you’re at in your life? Are you happy or are you just stuck on the hamster wheel? Are you really living? Or, are you like my previous client, finding his real truth in the midst of defining his own passion…in skyscrapers?

“The future depends on what we do in the present. – Mahatma Gandhi”

Outdoor Project to get you on track!

Which is it that best describes you?

1.  It’s a TASK to sit down and write out the goals that you want to accomplish or is it 2. More of a TASK to actually do the work that is involved to make those goals become successes for you?

62% of my clients find it more difficult finding a dream that they can focus on. Most of my clients are visionary leaders themselves…anyone that runs their own company or has the balls to do that, generally has MANY visions of goals on their plate. The difficulty at that point really then is narrowing it down, which is where I come in.

I’ll teach you one tiny little exercise that I do with my clients and it involves going outdoors.

For me, I am a huge believer that being with nature and really “one with the Earth” as I call it, you can reach such great clarity. The first time I brought one of my Investor/CEO’s out for this project he asked me, “Nevaeh, no offense but why the hell are we going in the middle of nowhere?”

My response…”In the middle of nowhere that is where your loudest thoughts get quiet, and your quiet thoughts roar.”

I remember looking back at him on the trail, and he just smiled and nodded at me.

Now, the majority of my clients range from San Diego county to LA county…and there are PLENTY of secluded areas for you to do this project.

HEAR MY VISION ROAR PROJECT

Suit up in clothes you are not worried about getting dirty. I know how some of you business owners get

Comfy Shoes – at most I would recommend about a 2-3 hour total hike

Pack a lunch and plenty of water

Bring your vision journal & a handy PENCIL (no pens allowed)

Camera (optional)

Choose your hiking location: If you have problems with this, just ask me.

***Please don’t be a dip-wad and go alone.***

THE HIKE

The purpose of the hike is to QUIET your mind. Most of us have our minds on constant chatter throughout the day. ALLOW yourself the time to breathe, step away from the office and business plans mentally and emotionally CHECK IN to YOURSELF.

Each step you take say to yourself your daily affirmations (REFERENCE: Project Love Thyself).

Do not talk to me or the partner you are with – this is about YOU.

I at one point will stop you and ask you to begin to journal….

JOURNAL

1.    Top 3 things YOU enjoy

2.    Explain WHY your chose them

Please try to make them non-business related.

PROCESS

1.    30 minutes reflection

a.    Reflect on WHY you chose the 3 things you enjoy

b.    During this time feel free to write anything in addition to your “why’s” any notes, any feelings, jot them down.

2.    15 minutes REVISION

a.    You may choose ONE to revise, and explain WHY you revised it

3.    Meditate on the entire process

a.    Timing based on YOU and your comfortably

PURPOSE

The purpose of this exercise is designed to quiet the chatter that goes on in your mind throughout the week, your month and sometimes over the last several years. You may experience being emotional, crying is definitely okay, sometimes you may experience being angry out of time lost, and that is okay too.

You will find that this process will AWAKEN you. I want that for you. I want you to feel REVIVED and ANEW.

At this point we will work on your ACTION PLANS and execution of what YOU decide.

Be excited….celebrate YOU and YOUR vision!

Are you with a TOXIC man?

So, a good gal pal of mine requested this morning I discuss how to conquer a toxic relationship & how to be open again to a healthy one. I guess having been in a toxic relationship for over 5 years, apparently that makes me some F&^*ing expert. Luckily, I have taken that relationship and used it to learn valuable lessons that have now allowed me to help women overcome what often times is overlooked as an abusive relationship.

Okay, so let’s dive into the controversial real talk for you ladies…did you know that 62% of our lady population (ages 21-35) are in an abusive relationship and don’t even know it. This isn’t even the percentage on physical abuse….that’s what’s scary. The relationship is called a Toxic Relationship.

The problem with toxic relationships are they are relationships that add zero value  to your life, but you’re so in the haze of it all by the drama, the crying, the fighting, the obsessing over how to “fix” things, the obsessing over how to “make him want me back” that, okay brace yourself b/c this WILL sting, you just end up looking pathetic and all the while he is high-fiving himself knowing he can get away with it because you’ll take him back. No, this isn’t because you are pathetic, it’s because over weeks, months, and sometimes years of mind manipulation he has gotten you to believe you are worthless without him, that you cannot survive without him, and oh my personal favorite, that “no man will ever want to deal with you”. 

My response…my ass! A perfect definition of a Toxic man: they are little boys who are scared by you and your self worth that their lack of confidence in themeselves drives their need to tear you down.

I am here to tell you…if you have nodded your head through that paragraph or feel a stinging pain in your heart or gut because you know this all to familiar, I am going to tell you to GET OUT. Ask yourself these questions to help come to a conclusion:

What does your relationship consist of? Fighting or Loving?

How does he speak to you, with loving words or painful words?

Does he flinch when you cry?

Are you losing yourself or becoming a better stronger woman because of him?

Is he there for you?

Does he support your dreams?

Is it all about the __(Insert douchebag name here)____ show?

Those are just a few during the 5th year of my toxic relationship that I decided to find answers to. I tend to “dissect” situations I’m in to gain information to analyze and gauge IF I should fight or take flight. I do it in everything I am involved in, mainly because I have this pet peeve called wasting time. I hate it….and this toxic relationship had me wasted 7 years of my life with someone I learned more “I do not like’s” than “I enjoy’s”.

Something also to consider is balance in a relationship.

That is a whole other topic…but one that you can start to see in your own relationship if you have imbalance or not. Are you emotionally balanced or do you feel like your spinning your wheels with no where to go?

One truth I have learned from interviewing couples who have been married for 50 years (thanks to many a convo at Fairwinds Senior Citizens home I volunteer at) and also couples my age or only been married a few years; is that EVERY relationship creates their OWN rules.

What you are allowing right now, are the rules you have participated in with your man. Is this the relationship YOU want?

Once you find the answer, sometimes it takes years…sometimes it’ll take your friends and family turning their back on you for returning back to him over and over again…but once you do, you’ll find you’ll do the following 5 things swiftly:

1. Pack.

2. Grab keys.

3. Run.

4. Cry.

5. Realize that YOU are more valuable. (sometimes this involves drinking realizing you wasted time on some jerk who kept you from advancing in your life by his immature sh!t and inability to be in a real relationship, and sometimes you just need to let loose and CELEBRATE).

Once you walk away…doors will open as long as you are OPEN to CHANGE. (I cannot stress this enough)

And as months go by…you’ll look back and not miss anything. In fact you’ll feel relief. I remember feeling a weight lifted off my shoulders, and I didn’t even realize how much weight I was holding. You’ll still feel pain, but more pain for yourself for what you put yourself through, and that’s normal. You love yourself, you should feel bad about that. You will devise a new list of things wanted in a man, in a partner…and before you know it…you’ll meet him when you least expect it. Trust me.

I was a non believer in love after my toxic relationship…I decided that I would travel and see where the world took me, I gave in and gave up on fighting for a relationship, and rather opened up my heart, my soul and my whole self to love in general.

Almost a year after I made that decision….I ended up taking on 3 new very cool projects that will impact change for women and teens, gained new valuable friendships, repaired my family relationship (they were stoked that I chose me…you’ll see how much support you’ll get), and then…as fate would have it…I met someone who completely turned my world upside down. Someone who taught me that my mind is my biggest strength….not my weakness, that my craziness is something that keeps him on his toes….not something that makes him want to run, and that I am my most beautiful with no makeup, no lashes on….just Nevaeh.

Drop your guard with someone who adores you for YOU…and be open to abundant love….

This is YOUR chance…take CHARGE, and start YOUR new life NOW…..

You only live once…don’t regret like I did…

Write YOUR story.