10 Ways to Happiness

 ” For every day there is sunshine there will be days of rain. It’s how we dance within them both that shows our love and pain.”

This morning on our life coaching mentorship call, we discussed ways to pick ourselves up, and how to help motivate clients in this regard. To be honest, I have made it a testament and a personal goal to continuously fine tune my top 10 ways to happiness. It’s not only worked for myself, but for my clients as well…so I thought I’d share, and of course in no particular order!

1. Practice Compassion

Every one of us is in need of compassion. Sometimes when I have a bad day (yes they happen), something as simple as a hug cures me. That’s my idea of compassion. Other people respond to being listened to, and being UNDERSTOOD & HEARD. You’ll find that this mode of helping someone else, not only takes away from whatever it is you are feeling crappy about, but also helps you feel less alone which feeling crappy has a tendency to make us feel….even more crappy! So get yourself to call someone, text someone, email, and just say…”I’m here for you…I’m not sure if you know that but I am!” The response you’ll get will be more than you could have imagined.

What this does for you: It acts as a way to feel grateful for your current circumstances, allows you to feel not alone and involving yourself in someones life to HELP them, will only give you back exactly what you need…compassion.

2. Find YOUR Passion

Most of the time we’ve grown up with households whose parents have distinguished WHAT we will be passionate for until we are older and figure it’s OUR own desires that lead that. Fortunately, this is a stream that is slowly moving towards self involvement. Find something YOU love to do, and YOUR life will become immensely improved.

What this does for you: Finding YOUR passion will allow you to gain ownership for your life instantly. Half the reason we feel crappy instead of happy is a downward shift in our decisions. If you look at your life you could correlate that your mood could be a result of a recent decision, or not being in line with doing more of what YOU love.

3. Exercise- DAILY!

I’m such a bad example for this, but I have been working vigorously at making this a habit in my life. I actually just started to surround myself with people I can walk with on my lunch break, taking our dog on a walk, going on hikes, etc. I HATE just running on a treadmill, and I do not do well with some boot camp instructor yelling at me to get my ass up. I have found that doing something active for at least 30 minutes a day, helps me feel rejuvenated and HAPPY!

What this does for you: endorphins make you happy. Not to mention, looking good = feeling good.

4. Eat Healthy – DAILY!

I used to eat fast food daily. I don’t know how I didn’t gain about 100 extra pounds, but I constantly felt tired and weighed down. Now, I eat healthy daily and when I don’t I can definitely see a difference in my mood and my appearance. Start searching healthy recipes and begin creating your own creations. Most of my meals are semi-homemade and mostly pastas and soups for dinner, and tuna and yummy hearty sandwiches and salads for lunch.

What this does for you: Energizes you which = happiness

5. Meditate

Okay I may be a mentor and a life coach but I certainly am not a meditative expert. Most of my clients are high stress, worrying over finances and if their company is closing (unfortunately this is the reality of business in todays age). I practice breathing exercises with them as a form of “meditation”. It helps….there are tons of online resources, or you could start by taking just 5 minutes out of your day to sit in your office with (my preference SPA RADIO on Pandora) and zone out. I imagine myself in the wilderness surrounded by lush green trees, the sound of a lake nearby, and birds chirping with the sun shining down on me.

What this does for you: Relaxes your brain so you can begin to feel rational in your decisions and in your emotions.

6. Finance

The F word everyone hates. In all seriousness, as much as I hate looking at my finances (aka medical bills), at the end of pulling teeth it feels better knowing where my funds are at. I use a basic excel spreadsheet, and sometimes writing it out in my journal that I keep in my purse helps me too. As a small tip if you are a shopaholic like I tend to be, take out cash from your account and allow that to be your “allowance” for the week. When I started doing this, I was AMAZED at how much little crap I was spending. Everytime I went to fill up my tank I would buy bubble gum or an iced coffee, at the end of the month my total was $140.00 extra in little shit. Seriously…look closely…the $2-$5 bucks you spend add up.

What this does for you: Financial issues is one of the LEADING causes of stress in America. Why do you think we have so many shows and books on managing finances? However, once you take the time (20 minutes) to dedicate to learning about your financial situation, you’ll feel more confident and less stressed…which equates to more freed moments to happiness.

7. Emotional Balance

Even though this is the field of work I am in, doesn’t mean I still have to remind myself just HOW to be emotionally balanced too. Typically every month I get thrown off my rocker. My boyfriend gets the brunt of it, but I’m easily shifted back into asking myself if I am being irrational and “emotional”. Here’s the thing…EVERYONE gets bent out of shape from time to time. It’s called life. However, when we are emotionally imbalanced, we leave more room for all the pain bodies to attack us. Think of ourselves as a cup that constantly needs to be filled with water, and that oil represents the pain and emotional crap we feel. They don’t mesh well..in fact oil will just sit on top of water making you feel bogged down leaving absolutely no room for happiness. Some of us keep filling our cups with oil, and eventually that oil oozes out into other areas of our life affecting anyone who comes in contact with us. It’s IMPORTANT to check yourself.

What this does for you: Allows you to take a moment to self reflect on WHERE you are at. WHY you are feeling the way you do. All 10 steps are designed to interconnect with one another that will help alleviate stress and anxiety to fill your cup with only water.

#8. Simplify your Life

I am a type of person to act before I think. That means at the end of my work week I probably have diverted away from my projects and added new projects because I go where the action is. This is something I am trying to correct. We all have something we are working on. Though this is viewed as something positive to always have things on your plate, when you begin to spread yourself too thin, you create stress.

What this does for you: By subtracting some out of your life means that you’ve established priority. It doesn’t mean you won’t work on it again, it’s all about timing. What is present is most important.

#9. Gratitude

Every month I send out gratitude letters to previous clients, friends, family and acquaintances. When was the last time someone told you how awesome you are, thanked you for something you did or just thanked you for being in their life? We spend more time self involved…than we do involved in others’ lives. Perhaps being a mentor has taught me the importance of a simple question of “how are you?” could lead to an inspiring action. Give thanks…and thanks will be returned back to you.

What this does for you: Fills you up! When you are grateful…the world responds to your gratitude. If your life doesn’t light up by this…then your heart is overly invested in yourself. Remember, balance is key.

#10. Add in Fun

No brainer I know…but here’s the kicker…some of us have way too much fun and that also causes issues with happiness. When you are 70% fun and 30% productive, you begin to feel when you least expect it (most of the time it’s when you are alone), the inadequacy and instability. If you don’t feel this, you are in a delusional state and should contemplate where you’re real passions lie. I’m talking about those of you in our society that tend to party as if it’s your f%^&*ng job. Sorry…but you aren’t an MTV tycoon or a celebrity.

I have a list of things I write out every three months of things I want to do, places I want to see, things that make ME happy. I have a 1. Something outdoors, 2. Something random and 3. Something I fear. Adding in fun is trying new things…that immediately brings you joy.

What this does for you: This is the best way to grow and affect inspiration inside of you. There are thousands of things to do, I guarantee you haven’t even thought outside the box. My something news lately are: Surfing, a random road trip out to Arizona for literally 1 night, roaming naked under the stars in absolutely BFE and making new friends within groups I rarely would ever consider approaching.

Here’s a challenge…get rid of the oil…and add in more water. Oil and water aren’t meant to mix…Incubus got it right. So admit it, and fix it. Only YOU have the power to cultivate and motivate change.

Feed your mind with positivity, with infectious positive change

Over the weekend I have had some time to think about catch up on all the new changes that are happening in my life. Lately I feel like a damn broken record having said that exact statement where I am starting to not be able to catch up with this constant change.

On Friday I received notification of a few press releases I did recently. A few from Atlanta, and a few from locally here in San Diego. I have been in a way very “ballsy” on getting my name, my passion, and my recognition out there in the business realm. I’ve been in this transitional portion of my career. I have decided to go all in on creating this Refuge Center for teens. It’s a start for change, and in the right direction in my opinion for our broken society.

I have heard of about 7 different stories this year alone on teen drug addiction, and as of lately, teen suicide. We all have our stories, and they are filled with pain and some of us try our damndist to make sure we never think about the traumatic pain again. However, I thought this is it. This is THE TIME to actually pursue this, and it all started with Mr. Moses.

I decided to spill the beans on an interview this morning with a publishing company for my book, “Doctor Me” which is about my teen drug addiction and depression that I suffered from, but overcame through doctoring myself. Not to discredit psychiatrists or counselors, my belief is that the best way to overcome especially with someone so intimate as depression, is through doctoring yourself. I include programs that I designed for myself, and have provided to friends and loved ones who found they worked for themselves too. It’s how my visionary program was born, and how I continue to believe that all of “this” happened to me for a reason….and that is to infect change in our broken society.

If you know me, you know I’m loud about something I am passionate about. You know I’ll be the first to take a stand, I’ll be the first to share my opinion…even if it’s not being asked! Mr. Moses, is the very reason why every single day since the 4th of July I’ve worked through my angst of wanting to stay closed for business, and decided it’s time to get back up and start working again. This time…I re-open for change.

The Refuge Center has been a dream of mine for so long, but so has this book about what I’ve gone through. It feels very “naked” of me to speak so openly about what I went through with drugs, alcohol and how I dealt with depression, but I keep going for the message that Moses gave me. “Speak through your heart, live through your heart, inspire from your heart” he would always say to me. It’s ironic how messages become clearer when someone is gone. It’s as if the message roars.

This morning during my brunch meeting, I came in roaring with a message. “Infect Change!” I yelled to the business owners sitting there handing off business cards like a damn herd of cattle. Somedays, especially on Monday’s I seem to not withstand the blue-collar attitudes and stuffiness involved in these brunches that I feel it’s my duty to AWAKEN them. They all stared at me, quiet…a few who I don’t recognize give me dirty looks, this is what I look for. I like for you to feel uncomfortable, when you are uncomfortable I get to work with the raw you, not the “im in my suit” you. I challenged these owners to look inside themselves and ask where their money is going. Are they donating to a cause, are they infecting change in our society or are they just “living” amongst it?

“I see more causes, more passion from my Facebook friends than I do in a brunch full of business owners.” I said very boldly. I could sense the tension, the squeamishness and perhaps even their suits getting tighter. “I challenge you to fathom spending money on a child in need, a homeless man who needs shelter, a battered wife who needs hope, even an animal who is facing slaughter.” I wish you all could have been there or I should have snapped a photo, I saw nothing but faces of outrage, except no one spoke up. No one shouted back at me. No one challenged me. It was quiet, and a little awkward to be honest, but it’s necessary.

I have been causing a “ruckus” for several years, if it’s not at company functions, it’s at companies and if I believe in something, I’ll speak up, what I don’t get is often times I notice I am the only one speaking up.

What is it about the social media circle that is in more in tune with infecting positive change in this world vs the “real” world?

“How can we as in the social media circle, amplify positive change in our broken society?” My partner Patrick makes a valid point, and in turn I logged into my Facebook and showed him all the change I see on a daily basis. “It’s as if the world is waking up” he says with his jaw almost to the floor.

My point is this…feed YOUR mind right. Feed your mind with positivity, with infectious positive change, with passion to see a difference in our world and you will find that passion becomes action when you least expect it.

This is a start….but as I said it earlier this morning to challenge these business owners I have worked with, I challenge my friends, my family, and my colleagues. What are you doing to infect positive change on our world? What will you do?

It takes 5 minutes to say hello to a stranger and have a small conversation….

It takes 2 minutes to hand a sandwich to a homeless man….

It takes 1 minute to decide you’ll help when you see help needed…

What’s stopping you now?

 “We rise together. We are strength in numbers. Our society may be broken, but those of us who are awake, those of us who are not just a part of the herd, we rise. We rise in positivity and are armoured by courage. We rise and we fight. We fight against the authority and choose to protect and help each other. One day, we will look at our society against the corrupt government and see change and be pleased that our people will finally be treated as people.”

What do you believe in?

If you’re human, you have something you strongly believe in. Something that moves you. Something that moves your soul. Something that gets you to stand up and want to take charge.

If someone were to ask you, what is your belief, how would you answer?

This morning on my Thursday Coaching Conference call, my coach decided to single me out and challenge me with this question, “Nevaeh, what do you believe in?”. To be honest, I froze thinking, “Is this a spiritual answer?” My angle is always to respond with intellect, but being in the line of work I am in, I have to first respond with my heart.

I said, “I believe in human equality.”

My coach went on, “In what regard?”

I responded, “In all regards. How can I not want that for humanity? Our world in America is defined by laws, restrictions, and conditions that leave hope to be equated to hopelessness. I want to put a stop to it. It is unfair to watch people for example, who have had drug issues due to their upbringing, location, what they are exposed to, to be constantly judged for what they do not know how to overcome. Remember Bryant? Remember how I fought for him? This was recent! How terrible is it to feel judged? How terrible is it to feel conditioned because a judge or a law official tells you that you cannot become anything more than a drug addict because “this is what you live in, this is what you were born into”. This is the SOCIETY we live in today. This is the TRUTH of our SOCIETY. This is the government we support everyday. It angers me, it brings me pain to think of it. I am glad that I was able to help 1 kid, 1 teen to move into a school system and work on his GED with supervision and assistance to EDUCATE about drugs, about the reasons why it is “wrong” and more importantly, how to correct his behavior by showing him how life CAN be for him. By giving him the choice to choose for himself.” 

My coach responded, “You provided hope.”

I responded, “No, I provided him a choice for his life. That’s all I wanted to do.”

My coach responded, “This is your life’s purpose.”

For the last almost 10 years of my sobriety, I have meditated on questioning my existence. I should have been dead. I have my book on drug addition called “Doctor Me” coming out in Spring of 2013 and it’s been a delight and hardship to work on it. Tough only because I am reliving moments of my past that I wish I could just put to rest, but I am excited to share the ways that I helped “Doctor” myself and how I used counseling, family, friends, and an openness to overcome my demons to help myself, now in turn to help others. I didn’t realize that I was onto something until I met Bryant about 6 months ago. I’m not one to sit on an idea. I’m not one to sit and wait for someone to make the first move. When I met Bryant, he was clearly lost. All he had to say to me was, “I want help. What do I do now?” I took the wheel for him, and showed him how to steer for himself.

I was challenged. Opposed. I never had a mother get in my face the way his did to me. I argued. I battled. I’ll eventually share his full story one day, but it posed a huge question in my mind this morning on this call…what do we believe in? How are we making changes and progressing in those beliefs?

I’m a Type A personality, and I get that most of the coaches I work with are too, but as we all look around this world as social entrepreneurs we see issues. We see holes. “Stop believing in authority, and start believing in each other” is something that we should ALL as a society be focusing on. Asking ourselves, why are we still giving authority power and control? Look at your world! Look at your society. Are you proud? Do you believe in it? You live in this society, it is yours. Take ownership. Are you hurting it or saving it? Do you feel like YOU are too small to make any kind of change? I know I did…for a while…but one kid…one child changed my world. His NEED for change, touched me. His NEED for guidance motivated me. What will move you?

I instantly felt like a complete idiot the moment I took on Bryant. I felt like an idiot because for years I just sat still. For years I didn’t move, didn’t seek. For years I only TALKED about helping. For years I only DREAMED about a refuge center for kids. When will YOU take a stand for something YOU believe in?

My conversation with the coaches lasted an extra 45 minutes longer than expected. A well spent 45 minutes longer. ” Ms. Morgan, how can I assist you in the change movement?” “Ms. Morgan, I can help donate a shelter offering in a 3rd world country.” “Ms. Morgan, I can help donate my time, free of charge for 3 students.”

Speak up. Talk, share YOUR passions. People will be moved when they see your passion. They will believe in your passion too. It becomes infectous when it comes from an honest heart.

What will you do today that will make a difference for tomorrow?

Dare your passions and see what happens…

As a follow-up from my previous post on goals and how I’ve been progressing in my re-creation of my business, I decided to share some insight of things I have learned that help propel me into an introductory state of where my goals are.

Having worked with so many business owners, and now having been a business mentor for so long, I have found one common denominator in creating success. Each individual has had a mentor. I have my own mentor myself. Some either use mentorship through books or online reads, while others have a life coach or a business mentor to assist them in-goal setting and vision strategy. As some of you may know, creating a business is not all that it’s cracked up to be. It is hard work, and it is a very personal project regardless if you work with a partner.

For years I couldn’t connect with a guru for myself, someone who understood how my mind worked and why it worked the way that it did. Little did I know the various relationships I have had since 2006 have all attributed to my “mentorship”. As I’ve talked about Mr. Moses in a previous post, he is definitely a person who I would say was a mentor to me. He was a business owner, and his wisdom carried through his lectures with me. Often times I would go there to read to him, some books I brought were on religion, spirituality, travel, love, and then business. He always insisted on me reading business and a book by Scott Peck called, “The Road Less Traveled”. He and Scott became a mentorship program for me as I began to delve into being a business owner.

Long story short…over the years I have opened and closed businesses. I have been successful and sometimes those successes were long successes, while others I came crashing down on my face. I have built with blood, sweat and tears my own ideas of an empire, and I have watched myself allow fear to control my passions, and watched that “empire” come crashing down. THIS is the reason why I find it so necessary to openly share, not only because I was asked to, but because I want to see others gain success by NOT allowing fear to engulf YOUR ideas.

The project I have posted above is one that I received from a friend of mine who learned from her own motivational guru. See why I love sharing knowledge? Anyway, this project is one of the first things I come to whenever I DO something. I ask myself, “Why Do I get out of bed?” and sometimes I sincerely answer, other times the roaring confident woman in me answers, “Because I’m meant to do more!” That voice of confidence is what you want to listen to all the time. I know what it is like to second guess that confidence, we gain confidence based off of the experiences we have, experiences of us falling on our face, BUT….even if you have no experience in the particular field or project you are going into, HAVE that confidence, BELIEVE in that boldly, it will propel YOUR passion.

Secondly, I create rules based on that project that I alone will live by. These are personal, and will shift and change with each project or endeavor you take on.

Thirdly, I ask what my gut instinct is. For me, my gut tells me everyday that I am to passionately seek people who want to build upon their visions and dreams, and to assist them in doing so.

Lastly, I ask myself what I enjoy doing. This is IMPORTANT and fundamental for you and your growth and not to mention your sanity. Taking a moment out of your mind, your business, your project, to just live…breathe…experience your surroundings…is imperative to your success. Remember that. That’s why I love being outdoors, I use all of my senses to experience MY moment. It revives you.

Many of us don’t grasp that life is fleeting. Are you wanting to work 9-5 for the rest of your life or are you wanting to create a life that allows more freedom for yourself? How will you keep yourself motivated? How will you instruct yourself to be daring?

For me…it was through the relationships I gained. I gained confidence based on what they saw in me because I was seeking with an open vulnerability to be better than where I was yesterday, an hour ago, a minute ago. That’s just me…what are you doing to actively participate in your growth?

I visited the senior home yesterday to pick up a book that Mr. Moses left for me. A note was included in the book, a snippet from it read, “I love you, our talks we had. You are meant to change this world, and you will go down in history. Remember, your heart comes first. You have a huge heart, it is not meant to be covered.”

Mr. Moses saw something in me, he spoke my language and has forever changed my life. His last meeting with me has officially turned an “on” switch in my heart. Our hearts, are NOT meant to be covered. On the 4th of July, it was almost 5 months since I saw him. I visited him at random, and his first words were that he needed to speak to me. It was one of the best meetings we had thus far, little did I know it was our last. After we met, the nurse told me he specifically asked for this book to be purchased and to write the note.

Sometimes, (bear with me as I wipe my tears)…we don’t know how close we get to people who inspire youthat you inspire them too.

It is incredibly important to put yourself out there, to share your passions BOLDLY, so that your positive powerful team will grow. You want to gain confidence? Start by doing that…you will have an entire team backing you…believing in you…rooting for you…and pushing you to achieve YOUR passions.

You want change, create change.

You want to inspire a movement inside of you, dare yourself to be uncomfortable.

You want to conquer fear, then face it without second guessing yourself.

You want to stop second guessing yourself, then act.

Ask yourself How Will I Instruct myself to be more daring?

and then SHARE WHY with anyone willing to listen.

Within just 30 days, you’ll see your support unit will multiply. Count me in as your first.

With Love,

Nevaeh

Where are you going?

ImageThis last week has been a challenging week for me…multiple reasons. I have been on a mission to find out what to do with my time, my businesses, my coaching, my spare time, and the list goes on. Fortunately I have been blessed to have too much on my plate than very little on my plate, however it gets daunting when I don’t know which one to pour my energy into.

I spent time in my Nevaeh Office brain to decipher which goals are appropriate to go after. I have been asked several times to share details on how to come up with a solid approach to identify goals to pursue and which ones not to. There really is not “real” answer to this. Each one of us works on goals and taking initiative to complete them differently. You MUST have the desire to motivate yourself continuously because no one else will do that for you. Sometimes life-coaches like myself, are wonderful for adding value to your motivation, but you can only draw a horse to water…the rest is up to you.

This quote has always struck a chord in me to have my fire lit again. I would rather at the end of my life look back and see that I took more chances on things I wanted to do, vs spending time thinking about those chances and wishing I actually did them and reviewing how I might have felt, or where my life would have went had I done so.

I may have mentioned before that I assist at a senior home monthly. On the 4th of July, I baked some cookies and stopped by. It’s honestly been months since I’ve been there, but I was immediately touched to see faces that remembered me. One gentlemen who I read to caught up with me. I watched him and smiled as he was delighted to actually have a snicker-doodle cookie, he sat back in his wheelchair, propped his right elbow on the armrest and fed himself his cookie. A nurse stood by to help, but I nodded at her to give Mr. Moses a chance to trust in his abilities. He said, “you can go now, I want to just talk to my angel” to the nurse. I swear my name is a derivative to anything “heaven” based because of my name, I really am not as much of an angel as some like to nickname me, but I am often flattered by it. It makes my heart smile.

Mr. Moses finished his cookie, smiled and thanked me for thinking of everyone on a National Holiday that normally would call people my age to drink and party, instead I was there with him reading. Moments like that, make me remember that THIS is what life is about. I responded, “The 4th is too busy for that, I have the weekend to be freely out of control”. Mr. Moses’ laughed, his laugh roars throughout the entire home infectiously making the others laugh, including myself. He held my hand and told me he felt like he needed to tell me something…I have been seeing Mr. Moses for a while, someone who has attributed to my personal growth. We spend the majority of our visits reading and discussing life lessons.

“Angel….tell me…are you happy with your life, where it’s at, where it’s going?”

“Yes…you know me, I am always revising my life to make sure I am moving ahead and not backwards.”

“Angel….don’t spend too much time in your mind, you have a beautiful mind, but your heart….that heart is hidden lately. I can tell.”

At this point, I never felt anyone aside from my boyfriend look INSIDE me and genuinely give me something to work on. I always appreciate this.

“You are right. I actually have felt that blockage…perhaps it’s the recent events I told you about that closed me off.”

He shook his head and smiled at me, “Remember when I told you to question yourself and your goals…would you rather be a woman who is strong using her mind and her intellect to affect change, to create an empire, or would you rather be a woman who is so strong in her love for herself, her life, her world, her friends, her family, to create a passion…that same passion I saw months ago when you first walked into here. Where is that light?”

I started to smile, gleaming from ear to ear at him…and then I began to cry…he held me in the best embrace he could provide me in his old age stature, for 10 minutes as I just dumped what was going on to him.

“I’m scared of not being successful….having to close 3 companies because it isn’t my direction anymore scares me because I felt like I wasted my time. It honestly feels like I can’t give energy to anything new because I am mourning over it.”

He laughed again at me, and sat me upright, “Darlin’ you are the most tenacious woman I have seen since the 50’s! You have accomplished so much, that you need to celebrate your accomplishments. All accomplishments end, they are goals you complete and your personality is one that breeds new territory on a regular basis. Be happy you are of a few who can cultivate that, and share that wisdom with others so we have a world of dream cultivators! You of all people should never second guess yourself, you of all people should be second guessing why you aren’t pursuing everything YOU desire.”

“How do I do that?”

“You start with what your heart is telling you….then you write it down, and you work on a plan using that mind of yours to create that goal to come to fruition. And then you do it. And then you enjoy it. Always give gratitude back to yourself for a hard work done. Start with the heart, use your brain to fuel your hearts desire, and move through your goals with the passion that your heart provides. That is the secret to success.”

I was in full-blown tears at this point because his words were resounding truth in my ears. He was right…I have spent more time in my mind lately than spending more time in my heart and too afraid to let my heart shine or have others feel the warmth I have.

The same goes with our goals….sometimes we are too much in our “heads” our “minds” where it feels as if we’ve lived out the goal…but really we are remaining in a dreamlike state never moving forward. Don’t be afraid to have countless “oh wells” for they are the lessons learned, the added wisdom, and not wasted time….and we are the dream cultivators. We are the goal warriors. We have EVERYTHING provided to us that will create success, the only thing stopping us is us.

So…I ask myself, “Where am I going?” My answer….”Everywhere I WANT to go”

Dedicated to the influential & loving “Mr. Moses” aka Valentine.

Rest in Peace: 2/13/1921-7/8/2012 “Mr. Moses”

Just say Yes! “It is a genuine responsibility to FIND things with EAGER INTENT to REVIVE YOU.”

Image

So this morning….prior to my life coach meeting check in, I had a random contemplative moment driving by the beach. I was contemplating my happiness.

Hear me out…

When you have gone for years “unawakened” you spend that time in a dark state, a state of depression…a state of vision-less adornment, and a state of unawakened potential. The term often used is a “dirty mirror” which is a view of what you have for yourself. Most of us, are unawakened for years….some never truly awaken.

It’s been about 4 years for me since I began an overwhelming transformational change in my life….and it would have never came to fruition had it not been MY choice.

This morning, driving by the beach I was hit by this nerve reaction to my now long standing consistency of happiness. I know it sounds crazy to contemplate over that, but living in happiness for 4 years compared to over 10 years of unhappiness and confusion…you can see where at times it can be very difficult to accept happiness as a way of life vs something that is earned. There has not been much drama in my life, because I run from it like a bat out of hell, and I’ve only shed tears out of extreme happiness or being wonderfully moved by a beautiful moment. This is new…

I couldn’t help but crack a smile in the midst of me recognizing my joy…and recognizing how fully awake at life I am.

I recently got back out in the water. I was introduced to surfing last year and never really cared much for it. It was something my friends wanted me to do, I was always a climber. However, this last Saturday I was hit with the bug. You know the, “Yes” bug. I could feel the entire week a weight slowly weighing me down and I couldn’t get my finger on it. I could feel my blood boiling and in desperate need to “let loose”.

On Saturday, I heard my name calling out for me in Oceanside as I was getting coffee, and the words, “Come let’s surf I got an extra board!” Oddly enough, my natural instinct is to assess my situation and THEN answer…this time…thank goodness for being bitten by the yes bug, because without hesitation I said yes! The best part, I didn’t even know who called out my name when I said yes…

I looked up and there was my old colleague Paul who I haven’t seen in over 6 years but always kept in touch through email and texts. He reminded me of an old wise man who just chilled on the beaches in Hawaii and just lived for waves. His daughters both are heavily involved in surfing and rock climbing so lucky me I was already set with the equipment I needed. I also thought since my flipping boyfriend is a surf instructor I better get my shit together… (only because I’m highly competitive 😉 ).

That day around noon…I got back in the water. I was FRIGHTENED!!! I kept saying, “I’m totally going to eat shit. Just warning you.” He would laugh and push my board out next to me. His laugh kept me in a positive spirit, and calm. He was very patient with me, reminding me of some instructions I remembered from last year. The only difference was I was on a shorter board….and much to my surprise…this was EASIER for me.

He told me, “Lil Nev, this board is going to be difficult, but knowing your personality, I think this is the right kind of challenge for you. You can choose whatever you want, but at least you are learning for yourself. There is no wrong way today, this is experimental.”

I loved that approach…isn’t that a similar approach we take on in life? Isn’t that how we should be taking on experiences in life?

I turned the board around with him as I was ready to catch a tiny in most surfers eyes waves, but for my 5’2 98lb stature it was ginormous! I could hear him yelling out to me, “Lay on the middle of your board! Paddle Paddle Paddle!” “Pop up Pop up!”

First try….First run…stood up.

I remember standing up and though it was only for about 5 seconds, it felt like the best eternal experience.

I felt alive again.

All the weight on my shoulder…gone…

All the stress beginning to bog me down…gone…

All the unhappiness wanting to bubble up….gone…

I felt free again.

My point is this….

Often times we don’t take heed to the feelings of contemplating or depression, or even sadness when we are awakened because, we don’t think it’s possible we could go back to that state.

That’s a foolish thing to think first of all….even life coaches, counselors, psychologists, a nun, a pastor…we all have to face the demons inside of us, and it’s unfortunately apart of life for evil and negativity to want to corrupt a happy and rested soul.

It is a genuine responsibility to FIND things with EAGER INTENT to REVIVE YOU.

Every day this week I was finding myself being called to the water. If you know me, you know how many excuses I have made in the past to NOT surf…now I can’t stop. The feeling of being awakened time and time again every time I just sit out there, I feel revived.

This week has been the most rested, energetic and back to the “me” feeling I have ever had.

I have recognized all the unhappiness wanting to burst through me, because I took the time to combat against it. I know the root, and I know a strategy now.

Being aware…IS being awake.

What are you doing to challenge your unhappiness, your stress, your whatever it is that is bogging you down…what are you doing to revive yourself?

Please for the love of God, try something other than yoga. Get outside of your comfort zone…and just say yes.

Here’s a challenge…just say yes. One day…and see where life takes you…

The easiest question asked…the hardest to answer…

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I love myself. Do you love yourself?

That should be the easiest question you answer in life.

During our morning call to start our week, the coach that helps each of us Motivational Interns as I call it, challenges us daily to “answer honestly”. This is a question he springs on when we least expect it individually, and I’ve started to ask myself randomly throughout my day too.

This morning mid conversation, he says “Miss Nevaeh Marie, do you love yourself?” I responded, “If I didn’t I wouldn’t be involved in the line of work I am. I wouldn’t consciously make strides for MY future, for MY happiness, and spread that wealth of love to others. I selflessly love others, and selfishly love myself.” I heard him clapping over the phone and I proceeded to bust up in laughter.

I like being around people who challenge me to be better, because they KNOW of my potential. I have been working with Ken for about 4 years now on and off. He actually was my life coach, and I worked real closely with his counterpart “Miss M” as we call her for about 2 years now. Life coaches and motivational speakers are different than counselors…not to discredit counselors…but the awesome part of my growth was heavily involved with these two outstanding individuals and the group.  The reason why they are so different is they are more directly involved in the growth of YOUR life. Counselors are more directly involved in the listening of your crap. That is my experience at least. Counselors I always felt as if I was paying someone to listen to me ramble, and complain…whereas with a lifecoach I felt as if I was partnering with someone who actively helped guide me.They both asked me this simple question, “Do you love yourself” for the last 2 years religiously.

In the beginning, I couldn’t even answer the question.

No one really asked me if I did, or what I thought of myself. I’m sure the same is even for you.

Our coach advises each of us to be able to answer the question within seconds. The moment the question comes up, a good test of faith to gauge where we are emotionally in our walk is to answer honestly. If I do not feel self love for myself, I make it an effort to find the reason/root for the why, and figure out the how from there to transform my thought process.

“Could we change our attitude, we should not only see life differently, but life itself would come to be different.”

I have noticed over my own growth path, that this is not a race. Transforming a thought process from self negligence to self love IS work.

Remember a few posts back, I explained that even for some of my clients, they refuse to move forward because they are frightened by the realization of self negligence….and it is important to realize that, but also to make the decision to move forward and live.

We have an AMAZING ability to transform thought and CREATE happiness in OUR lives.

Do you understand that? I didn’t when I was first told that….so I tested it…and I challenge you to do the same…

Me being a analytical and overwhelmingly stubborn woman, I challenge everything posed onto me…I was told I was creating the exact life I wanted at this exact moment. At that exact moment I looked at my life and said, “This f&*#ing blows” so granted I wanted to challenge this. I was a blamer…I liked to place the blame on others and NEVER I mean NEVER take responsibility for myself or my actions.

I went with Miss M to an art gallery, and it was perfect this day was no different than the rest, and I was head down, walking around as if my life was sucked out of my very soul. I like many others, have gone through some “shit” who hasn’t…but to me, I was so sheltered IN THE MUCK of my own CRAP that I refused to see the light in life. I actually many times consciously said “No thanks” to being happy.

Be careful that you aren’t making that same mistake….

Anyway, I listened to her tell me to let go…she handed me an ipod with the band XX playing in my ear, I walked around as Miss M sat on the bench near me. I felt safe with her around for me to meander and wander through a gallery of the most gorgeous photos by Ansel Adams. I was taken back…I was incredibly awkward at first…I bumped into a few people by accident, I checked my phone multiple times, and I wanted to at some points just say screw it and leave.

I came across a black and white photo he did of a 1950’s couple…the guy in the photo was kissing his wife goodbye. There was so much dreariness to the photo, saddness yet happiness involved…I stood there for about 20 minutes thinking…gazing…and at that moment, I grasped the idea…”I have to choose to love myself.”

A few tears dropped down my right cheek and I remember I felt a weight lifted off of me. I felt a burst of excitement bubble from the mid level of my stomach, and without hesitation I started to smile from ear to ear. My eyes were lit up, I stood up straight, I felt every inch of my body, every fiber inside of me…literally light up.

One thought.

One inspired thought.

Transformed…my entire existence.

YOU have the choice.

Take it from a girl who was scared and eager to say no to happiness…to choosing happiness, and to everyday WANT to be surrounded by joy.

I know what it is like to choose the other side, and don’t worry you don’t have to share your reasoning’s…just know…eventually it’ll get old. You have one life…

Make it count….at the end of the day, you make yourself proud…or you could let yourself down.

PS: A challenge aside from asking if you love yourself is if you are surrounded by loved ones who challenge your self growth…or if they rather watch you stay running in place.