Be as you are.

“Just love life Nevaeh!”

This was the moment that began a course correction in my life. It was this single conversation that my mentor and I had in his office. It helped that he also was a long time friend & colleague who always struck me as “odd” because he was SO mother freaking happy all the time, eventually that happiness rubbed off on me. I was in this ridiculous (now it seems) bubble of negativity. At the time I was in 2 toxic relationships…I’ll eventually post on the importance of choosing and how to choose carefully the right people in your life, and how to gracefully excuse those who are causing you pain or toxicity. My boyfriend and best friend at the time were my entire world. I had such a problem with deflecting my own issues and my own self growth, that instead of working on myself, I ran in circles and offered help to these two people. This eventually sucked my soul dry.

“You are a free therapist. It’s causing you anguish and its causing you some major stress. You aren’t LIVING, but hell, you’ve gained quite a lot of karma!” He continued to tell me. “So Nevaeh, tell me, when will you start living?”

I remember shaking my head at him, and began laughing. I honestly didn’t know HOW to get out of the situation I volunteered myself in. In a way, I felt in debt to the two of them for reasons I still to this day I’m not sure of what or why for. 

“I’m terrified.” I looked up at him and with an honest sigh, “I don’t know if I can, if I deserve it.”

He looked at me shocked. “You are missing the point. Living life isn’t about deserving, it’s about identifying your calling, and that defines your search on your journey. I bet you can’t even answer what makes you happy because you are overly consumed by their drama you can’t even focus on your own to grow from!” He continued pointing his finger outside his beautiful office window overlooking all of LA, “You my dear, are meant for more. As your friend, as your business colleague, promise me you’ll accept this challenge for yourself.”

I looked up at him in desperation, I was hooked on every word he was saying because it resonated with my soul. It made sense.

“What is it?”

“Promise yourself to define living for YOU. Once you do, then be as you are.”

I left his office with a weight on my shoulder, it was heavy, but nothing like the burdens I’ve been carrying from these two people I loved so much.

I drove to Venice and stayed there alone for the weekend. I actively searched out LIFE. I didn’t know what I was doing, I didn’t know HOW to do it, I just promised myself I would be immersed in anything and everything that contained living.

I still remained in the situation I was in for another year, but it was Anthony who actively stayed on me, challenging me. He would text me, “Good morning beautiful friend! Go out and LIVE today! How are you living? What new discovery have you found?” Granted his old age helped me trust him and his wisdom, without these challenging texts I probably wouldn’t have done what I came to finally do.

Last year, I walked away from it all. Mentally, physically, emotionally, I was DRAINED. I lost respect for myself. Through this whole process, I developed a hatred. The hate for wasted time. It made my blood boil, thinking back on the time I spent as a therapist and not for myself. I fully participated in the halt of my own growth.

“I’m just so pissed!” 

He looked at me, shook his head, “You miss the point again. You didn’t waste time, you may have been overly involved in their lives which took away from your own growth, but you HAVE grown so much within the last year. Shall we review? You took several trips on your own for your own self discovery, you began writing, you began creating new ideas for new business ventures, you created a dynamic online portal for learning, you developed an amazing resource for women and their self esteem…you went through what you did for one reason. Perhaps, having a 3rd party look in your life is what you need, Nevaeh, you have now 2 years of experience under your belt to help even more people. You have multiplied your skills. You have developed skills that school would never have been able to teach you. You had the internship of Psychology in a real world setting. Be proud. Be excited! Now, you’re a certified life coach, now you have that power behind you to use and help change people’s perspectives and unlock their full potential in life. Wouldn’t you agree that defines you? The passion to help others. That IS you.

I was floored. So floored, I threw up. Laugh it up! Seriously, I threw up because I was disgusted with myself. I couldn’t see the perspective he saw, and that made me sick. How selfish I thought to myself, about myself. Hello humble pie. It taught me to step back, to look at different angles, because that is where life is defined.

Sometimes it takes another person who you trust, you value and who has years of wisdom because they too have gone through something similar, to pull you out of misery and directly in the sunshine of life.

Once you’re in that sunshine…its up to you to shine. It’s up to you to challenge yourself daily on how to overcome whatever it is you are going through by constantly stepping back after every attempt and re-configuring your approach. Overcoming pain is through positive thought, I don’t care what anyone says….the happiest people you come across in life, are happy and bubbly for the very reason that they can rest in the fact that staying positive is the key to life. 

Life, will ALWAYS be a struggle IF YOU ALLOW IT. Life is meant to be a singular journey. The part of life that gets beautiful, is to be able to share your experiences with one another. In a way, it’s advice for your journey to whatever destination that is.

For myself, I left. I didn’t look back. I still get messages and texts from them even after I expressed my very reasons for ending the relationship and friendship. It’s funny, its only then that truth hits home for people. I, however moved on much quicker than I expected for myself, because I took responsibility for my decisions, for my actions, and for my life. I no longer chose to hold myself back any longer. I walked away without hesitation, and I walked away with my head held high. I answered the question my mentor challenged me just a few years ago. I did the work. I did the searching. I accepted that this will be a lifelong journey, but the definition of MY life was clear as day.

January 2012 hit, and so did the truth of “Be as you are”.

I bought a train ticket, packed my bags for a writing retreat, and ventured to Los Angeles to meet my mentor prior. 

“You look lighter, happier!” He said to me with arms wide open.

“Yes…I feel free.” I remember gleaming from ear to ear my smile.

“And how do you feel?”

I relieved a huge sigh, dropped my bags, exhaled grabbed him in a huge hug and started to cry hysterically, “I feel like me, Anthony. I feel like me.”

—————————————————————————————————————————————————————-

Some people have asked me especially in my practice, HOW I overcame what I went through. Some who have read my work, have emailed me in their own anguish anxiously searching for answers just as I was. So, here are some quick tips I’m happily offering up:

My golden rule: ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY for optimal growth

Do the work!

Materials: boxing gloves (for negative or defeated thoughts), positive attitude (as your power source) and provide your soul lots of room (set aside your freaking ego, accept the fact that you need to fall fully, in order to know how to pick yourself up).

1. Surround yourself with positive everything.

Each night I searched for a positive quote. Each morning I posted that positive quote on my Facebook. Each morning I emailed myself a love note with that positive quote, and by the end of the week (that Friday) I wrote about HOW I implemented that quote in my life, my trials.

2. Get a slice of humble pie. 

I started seeing a hypnotherapist in Orange County and started seeing a counselor who was a part of Saddleback Church. Both combinations had me exposed to people who were on drugs, overcoming alcohol addiction, who were homeless, who had no hope…and yet, they openly discussed their pains and showed their scars in our nightly circles. I walked away every meeting feeling more alive. For me, it took knowing what was really going on in our world, for me to understand that life is not “easy”, but that the hardest part, was thinking positively.

I took this exposure further and began to volunteer my time at shelters, at senior homes and gave back after each time I gained strength in ME. In a way, they helped heal me, and I them.

3. Find your outlet. (“Be as you are”)

I loved to write, I love music and I love art. So, what did I do? I combined the three. I took several trips to Balboa, LA and the South to experience all of it. I would plug-in my earphones, look at art and then, I’d find a bench and write.

A few months into this process, I started to feel this truth rising up in my gut. Hard to explain, but it’s where the “clear as day moment” happened. I sat across from a painting that reminded me of Oregon in all its green lush trees, beautiful crystal like lake views, and powder blue sky; I said out loud, “this is it.” At the time I didn’t know it would be now called MOTIVATEme. but that painting grew in my mind of thousand kids, teens, adults all resounding in unity…in love. Gaa…my hope for a peaceful nation.

and lastly 4. Love yourself.

This is when people say “Love yourself first and everything will fall into place” but for me personally, I couldn’t accept this UNTIL I applied the work for myself. It wouldn’t have made sense to me, I’m far too rational and analytically that when I tried thinking, “I love myself!” it I felt like I signed up for some hoaky bullshit where Barney would come popping out of every corner. If you can do that awesome, but personally I think doing the work first will allow you NATURALLY to arrive to loving yourself. I came to KNOW myself more through the work. I came to be KIND to myself more through the work. I came to IDENTIFY my weaknesses through the work, and I came to be INSPIRED through the work.

The work had me daily arrive to epiphanies that turned into new paths. Still to this day…I do the work.

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What do you believe in?

If you’re human, you have something you strongly believe in. Something that moves you. Something that moves your soul. Something that gets you to stand up and want to take charge.

If someone were to ask you, what is your belief, how would you answer?

This morning on my Thursday Coaching Conference call, my coach decided to single me out and challenge me with this question, “Nevaeh, what do you believe in?”. To be honest, I froze thinking, “Is this a spiritual answer?” My angle is always to respond with intellect, but being in the line of work I am in, I have to first respond with my heart.

I said, “I believe in human equality.”

My coach went on, “In what regard?”

I responded, “In all regards. How can I not want that for humanity? Our world in America is defined by laws, restrictions, and conditions that leave hope to be equated to hopelessness. I want to put a stop to it. It is unfair to watch people for example, who have had drug issues due to their upbringing, location, what they are exposed to, to be constantly judged for what they do not know how to overcome. Remember Bryant? Remember how I fought for him? This was recent! How terrible is it to feel judged? How terrible is it to feel conditioned because a judge or a law official tells you that you cannot become anything more than a drug addict because “this is what you live in, this is what you were born into”. This is the SOCIETY we live in today. This is the TRUTH of our SOCIETY. This is the government we support everyday. It angers me, it brings me pain to think of it. I am glad that I was able to help 1 kid, 1 teen to move into a school system and work on his GED with supervision and assistance to EDUCATE about drugs, about the reasons why it is “wrong” and more importantly, how to correct his behavior by showing him how life CAN be for him. By giving him the choice to choose for himself.” 

My coach responded, “You provided hope.”

I responded, “No, I provided him a choice for his life. That’s all I wanted to do.”

My coach responded, “This is your life’s purpose.”

For the last almost 10 years of my sobriety, I have meditated on questioning my existence. I should have been dead. I have my book on drug addition called “Doctor Me” coming out in Spring of 2013 and it’s been a delight and hardship to work on it. Tough only because I am reliving moments of my past that I wish I could just put to rest, but I am excited to share the ways that I helped “Doctor” myself and how I used counseling, family, friends, and an openness to overcome my demons to help myself, now in turn to help others. I didn’t realize that I was onto something until I met Bryant about 6 months ago. I’m not one to sit on an idea. I’m not one to sit and wait for someone to make the first move. When I met Bryant, he was clearly lost. All he had to say to me was, “I want help. What do I do now?” I took the wheel for him, and showed him how to steer for himself.

I was challenged. Opposed. I never had a mother get in my face the way his did to me. I argued. I battled. I’ll eventually share his full story one day, but it posed a huge question in my mind this morning on this call…what do we believe in? How are we making changes and progressing in those beliefs?

I’m a Type A personality, and I get that most of the coaches I work with are too, but as we all look around this world as social entrepreneurs we see issues. We see holes. “Stop believing in authority, and start believing in each other” is something that we should ALL as a society be focusing on. Asking ourselves, why are we still giving authority power and control? Look at your world! Look at your society. Are you proud? Do you believe in it? You live in this society, it is yours. Take ownership. Are you hurting it or saving it? Do you feel like YOU are too small to make any kind of change? I know I did…for a while…but one kid…one child changed my world. His NEED for change, touched me. His NEED for guidance motivated me. What will move you?

I instantly felt like a complete idiot the moment I took on Bryant. I felt like an idiot because for years I just sat still. For years I didn’t move, didn’t seek. For years I only TALKED about helping. For years I only DREAMED about a refuge center for kids. When will YOU take a stand for something YOU believe in?

My conversation with the coaches lasted an extra 45 minutes longer than expected. A well spent 45 minutes longer. ” Ms. Morgan, how can I assist you in the change movement?” “Ms. Morgan, I can help donate a shelter offering in a 3rd world country.” “Ms. Morgan, I can help donate my time, free of charge for 3 students.”

Speak up. Talk, share YOUR passions. People will be moved when they see your passion. They will believe in your passion too. It becomes infectous when it comes from an honest heart.

What will you do today that will make a difference for tomorrow?

Your opinion of the World…IS a confession of character…

“People seem not to see that their opinion of the world is also a confession of character.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

This morning on my conference call with my fellow motivational speakers, I was in awe of the quote that was rambled off this morning. I LOVE Emerson, so it wasn’t a big surprise that my ears and heart perked up over the conversation. However, I was surprised to hear the punch line…”is also a confession of character”.

For a while, if some of you have known me for years or have watched my growth path, you’ll understand where and also why I have come to a certain thought process on society. No No I don’t “hate” society, but I do think that in some aspects, our society has grown lazy in thought, and lazy in strength. That is why there are motivational speakers, life coaches, relationship experts that are employed by either their own practice or books. However, the coach who teaches us was right in adding to Emerson’s quote…we DO have a duty, each and every one of us, to AFFECT change, to then alter our thought process of what the world is; no matter how frusterating or ugly it can be.

I place a whole lot of responsibility on myself for self growth. I view self growth in 3 ways,

1. Physically – Am I taking care of MY body, MY temple. I try and participate in my love for rock climbing and ballet as I have for the last 8 years of my life, and incorporating beautiful scenery with my physical activity, since that is important to me. I try to hike, camp, partake in beach activities as much as I can.

2. Emotionally- Am I emotionally balanced, and if not what will I do to balance myself? I meditate or paint usually to stop the static in my mind. I appreciate beautiful art accompanied by music, and doing this alone will also help bring about any emotions that are festering deep inside of you.

If you ever find yourself crying out of nowhere, or feeling emotionally overwhelmed try sitting alone (hell even in your car) by the beach during sunset, or a nice quite park, and feel the love for yourself. When you cry alone or feel emotionally overwhelmed, it is a sign that you are self neglecting and you need to revisit why, and make the appropriate changes so you put yourself first again. Remember: You cannot make others happy without making YOU happy first.

3. Taking on something new- One of the best and quick ways to learn about yourself. Self discovery is not only fun but brings about questions and new ideas of growth for yourself. I sometimes even just take a different route to work, have lunch with someone new at a new place, or one of my favorites is vintage shopping alone…I get to search through new territory and discover new pieces. It thrills me!

However, since this conversation this morning each one of us decided to add to each of our own checklists.

How can we change our opinion on the world to an effective positive way to affect change in our character if this is a direct correlation?

Challenging I know…we all debated for about 45 minutes before someone blurted out the most obvious answer. This to me reminds me of a piece of advice I gave to a client:

“When all else fails, when you doubt and have no direction….just love.”

I love the World. I love the World. I love the World.

I appreciate what the World provides me, I want to sustain what the World offers in its natural beauty.

It was as if a mantra was occurring through my ears, and my eyes began to transform in thought of HOW I was viewing the very World I live in

I have been begging the Universe for a challenge…this morning I was granted my wish….

What will YOU do to affect change on your opinion of the World so your character shines ever so brightly in positivity?

The Sing your <3 heart out dare!

I don’t know about you, but I get super pumped and hyped when I get involved in something that AFFECTS change. There is nothing that compares to the amount of gratifying “good feelings” you get from being a part of something that affects change. Perhaps most of us get sold on that idea…but whatever it is…it’s great to have that fingerprint for change.

This morning during one of my life coaching calls, we were discussing a new approach to affecting change and  inspiring our clients on HOW to affect change in your life. Did you know it’s one of the hardest things to commit to, yet we’re so eager to help affect change for a cause not of our “own”?

Why is it so difficult to affect change for OUR own cause?

Every single one of us has a cause that we are trying to work on affecting. Every single one of us has goals and accomplishments that we would like to see continue flourishing, but yet every single one of us gets in the lazy slump, discouraged and our change becomes unaffected.

My guru came up with a simple tool about a year ago while I was obsessing over my issues with the inability to stay on the change coaster.

It was in the midst of my writing for a small publication, and for the life of me I kept coming back at my writing with a blank mind. I tried painting, I tried singing in the shower, I tried rock climbing, ballet, surfing, I even went out to my secluded secret beach spot during a sunset trying to romanticize myself to come up with something, anything…and yet…still nothing! I was incredibly discouraged and frustrated. I could feel anger seeping into my veins, and thought I either better go grab a drink or go for a run and cool off.

I remembered a conversation I had with my guru a while back…he told me, “Do you ever just roll down your windows, blare a ridiculously awesome ballad, and sing your heart out when your angry? Talk about a mind release.” and I thought…let’s do it. I’ve literally tried everything in a 2 day span.

It was a very sunny and gorgeous day in Orange County, and I was in 5PM traffic. I thought…perfect…the one time out of the day I get the inspiration to do this project. Being the motivational aspect of my client’s lives, I had to challenge myself to do this regardless of how embarrassing this was about to make me feel.

So I rolled down my windows, put in my Live Journey CD, and blared on max volume “Dont stop believing”. 15 mph and the awesome stop and go’s allowed me to make eye contact with my fellow traffic peeps, and as I gave into the music and just allowed myself to let go and live in the moment, I noticed as I opened my eyes mid rock out session during the chorus, I noticed the car to the right of me full of college kids playing along with me, to my left I got nothing but odd looks so I did the ole pointer gesture at them and a wink. I was HAVING SO MUCH FUN, I FORGOT EVERYTHING AT THAT MOMENT.

As the song ended, I turned down my radio…traffic started to pick up again and my smile didn’t leave my face for about 2 weeks. During that time, I wrote an article which was submitted and published…I never told anyone about this except for my family who was my #1 support through this time. Writing was something I kept hidden, like singing and dancing…I know I’m weird with my “talents” but doing a project like this…helped me get a little outside of my shell and into living in the moment.

Sometimes…we just need to step away from our lives and into living…

I dare you…in fact I double dog dare you to try this…you can’t beat songs from the 80’s to early 90’s to blare this…and you never know…you could just as well might be brightening another persons day too!

Happy Singing 😉

“Drink more water!”

I recently have been diagnosed with Cluster Headaches…and if you’ve been following my posts or are a friend of mine you have been in the know of the frustrating last few weeks I’ve had trying to deal with this. Yesterday, I had a breakthrough…after being hospitalized in the ER, gone through 4 different doctors who all had no clue what I was dealing with, and finally out to a referral that specialized in my condition I was granted an answer.

Sitting there in the patient room for a whopping 45 minutes waiting on test results on what the hell was going on with these “suicide headaches” (yes they are nicknamed that!), I was actually praying to God for the first time in years to just give me an answer. I was fidgeting, playing with the instruments in my room as my doctor came in. He looked like he was 90 years old, and my heart just immediately dropped. If you think doctors that are old are not that great at providing you with some great medical findings, think not! He was not only thorough but spoke to me like I was his own grandchild.

In the midst of our chatter about my 13 hour headaches, and pain management discussion. He said in a shout, “Drink more water!”

I was so confused! That is my answer? Percacet, Imititrex and to drink more water? WTF!

He came about eye to eye with me, hunch back and all and said, “Did you know if your body is lacking water, that will bring on headaches…sometimes even stress, and often times rob you from your very spunky energetic personality” I gasped! “MY energy is being robbed because of lack of water?!”

I couldn’t even comprehend something so simple could fix such a “headache” in my life. I have lost my energy, thinking it was due to my headaches or maybe even overworking myself…but never did I even consider it was water.

After leaving the doctors, I talked to my boyfriend about it, who of course is the picture of health and rattled onto me how much water benefits him. I couldn’t contain myself from rolling my eyes. I then got a call from one of the motivational life coaches I work with, and filled her in on the details. She too ranted on and on about the effects water has on your system.

How could all these years I was left in the dark for some basic necessity I need?

This got me thinking about how many others with a similar condition didn’t know about water’s magical affects, and then…I started thinking how I will apply this to my life.

Water is a basic necessity in life right? Wouldn’t you agree that having a positive attitude is too?

Being positive, and having that energy though basic, is a NEED in my life. I equated that with water. I was missing the positivity in my life for many years, I was yes one of the “nay sayers” and the “negative nancy’s” of our world…until I came across a fundamental truth…just like I did with water.

It seemed as though everyone I came in contact during that time, knew that being positive was the OBVIOUS answer to life…but me.

So, yesterday…all I did was drink water.

I drank water EVERY single time a negative thought would pop into my head as a reminder to change my thought process. Yes, even with a positive mind you still do get doubt, and negative thoughts…being positive is a constant training of our minds. It’s a necessary duty for what our minds are exposed to in this world, to protect our positivity. It is so important to recognize that, so we don’t rob ourselves from the energy we should have.

Yesterday, I lost count after 47, and I had to pee every 5 seconds…but it was worth it.

Not only did my body feel instantly better, but my mind did too.

This morning, I woke up thinking about how happy I am…what I am grateful for…and to be honest, sometimes I have wavered from positive training and introspection just because life does get busy. Now…each time I drink water…I am working on transformative thought…and cultivating new ideas & affirmations again. My almost 3 week death, has finally gotten me revived and alive

My headaches are still there…but it lasted 30 minutes vs. 13 hours…

Just as so, negative thoughts will still be there…but at least they diminish when you take notice…

The doctor was right…just what I needed as a prescription…is to drink more water.

Try this test…see how many times YOU think negatively or have self doubt…

Project Love Thyself…

Something that got me excited this morning is hearing the revolutionary movement of individuals standing up for themeselves…their happiness…their joy…their love and acceptance for who they are. I have a monthly conference call I attend, which is geared toward life coaches, relationship coaches and motivational directors nationwide and how we collectively can inspire people and motivate our world as a nation. One of the biggest key discussions we chat about over the last year is how there has been a sudden shift in our society.

About a year almost two years ago when I started to silently embark on a journey to becoming a relationship/motivational coach (at this time it was geared more towards working with CEO’s & High Level Executives….assiting them in their visions and further development of their profile accounts), I was invited to join these “calls”. We would spend the first fifteen minutes answering a question…when I first joined it was “How do you LOVE yourself?” and being the new kid…I totally froze!

I thought….shit how the hell am I supposed to impress these amazing people who spend their entire energy on motivating people? I felt as if I was in the wrong place…at the wrong time…in all honesty…I felt insecure and scared. I let 5 others answer before I noticed the webinar toggle was hovered over my name to speak. Son of a b&%ch! I thought…okay breathe Nevaeh…I told myself that no matter what, at least I am answering honestly….”How do I love myself? For starters…I’m on this call. I have a deep passion…at times I don’t even know where the root lyes it’s a toss-up between my heart or my soul…but that passion is to help motivate people. I have to love myself…if I don’t…I am useless to the people who look to me for vision, for inspiration…and I am more importantly, useless to myself to motivate myself on a continuous basis to fight against my laziness, my stubbornness or my at times inability to be humble because I take pride in my hard work. The question really isn’t How do I love myself…but rather, I guess to me, it’s if I don’t love myself then….fill in the blank.” Immediately voices started speaking back to me in deep approval and a 15 minute conference call turned into a 50 minute amazing debate on loving yourself. At the end…we all agreed perhaps THAT is the battle amongst the self helpers, the nay sayers, and the worry warts….that the question, “How do I love myself” is too vague…but rather, “If I don’t love myself then ____________” became easier to answer. It became easier to IDENTIFY the problem, and easier to create the ability and need to reverse it.

I went on to use this for the following 12 months of my career and noticed the trend of voices in society raising this same question and it excited me! “If you don’t love yourself, how can you then give love“, “If I don’t love myself, then wow I must not care about ME“, or “If I don’t love myself, then that explains why I am in this abusive relationship.”

An awakening is happening…and it is happening because people are fed up with being unhappy!

This morning on my call….one of the speakers asked us to keep someone in positive thought, and I ask that you do too. This person is struggling with the truth of not loving themselves. This person is struggling with the hatred of knowing she doesn’t love herself, but she also is using that anger to fuel her desire to create CHANGE for herself. Which is outstanding!

When you reach the point of realizing you don’t love yourself, you can get to a point that is more painful than recognizing and deciding to move forward. Every single one of us has what is called “pain bodies”. They were created when we were first scolded as a young child or exposed to some trauma and continued to flourish as we got older. This is why each one of us has different perceptions on pain and different thresholds. Some of us are masters of handling pain, while others cave or find pain unbearable. Pain is derived from fear, and fear is a whole other topic which is an endless battle. Pain is the nature of humanity to in a way, like receiving it, and it is a sign of freedom when we recognize to hate feeling shitty. It is a necessary evil to have it exist, and it will always be a continuous battle….and  one that is combatted in this day and age with a very old, historical and proven method.

The only way to conquer realizing that you don’t love yourself, is to love yourself through positive affirmations.

So, I’ll be the kid that openly shares a great way to do this….and something that I advised the professionals I worked with, my family, my friends, even the Joe Shmoe that decides to open his life story to me at a coffee shop…

This project is called “Project Love Thyself”

Duration: 2 Weeks

Here’s how it goes:

1. Use an email address that you log into daily

2. In the morning, search for a quote that INSPIRES you…

3. Write YOURSELF an email talking yourself up as if the quote is speaking directly to you. If you’re on my Facebook page & know me personally, you can kind of gather that I use a lot of quotes that speak to me pertaining to a particular situation in my life. This is meant to help heal you…help you cultivate a new way of talking to yourself.

4. At the end of the week (i.e. Monday to Friday) review what you have written. FEEL everything that YOU went through that week, the set backs you may have faced and LEARN from them…look and applaud at how great YOU handled a situation, LEARN from how happy you feel over a moment you had and take mental, spiritual and emotional note of it.

This is called re-training. You are in the process of awakening your true potential…you must be patient and be kind to yourself. 2 things I wasn’t so awesome at years ago…so don’t be discouraged if you can’t “grasp” this yet…you are reversing years of damage. Chill out.

I believe that we all have the ability to “Doctor” ourselves…

Would you agree that if you spent more time talking to yourself in a kind loving voice instead of what let’s be real here…we all are our own worst critics and often times that voice is rude to OURSELVES?!? It’s maddening. “My Religion is very simple. My Religion is Kindness” same as it is your rule to yourself in this project as well.

Do this for 2 weeks…I did this and still do when I feel down in the dumps. It’s a silly project, but it’s entirely solitary which helps you learn more about yourself. If you can’t even be real with yourself…how will you ever reach your true potential?

 

Be as selfish as a man. I dare you ladies.

A happy YOU = A Happy anyone you come in contact with

Okay so my girlfriends are awesome for allowing me to write about their situations in the hopes that it reaches other women who potentially could be going through the same thing. Go girl power.

My girlfriend was asking me to advise her on how to become more appealing to her man. I asked her what exactly she meant by that, how in what regard. Sexually, spiritually, emotionally, I mean that was beyond vague. She told me that she felt like her boyfriend was furthering his life more than she was furthering hers. In SOME senses, I understand that women tend to do more for a man than a man does for a woman. Really, the blunt way of saying that, is women often lose themselves into a relationship more than men do. Real talk.

I am no fan of selfish people…let me first start by saying that. Yes, we as humans ALL have the tendency to be a little selfish at times, but I have come across more individuals who work themselves to the bone to make others happy, that they start to obsess over the need to make themselves happy THROUGH things, people, careers, and the list goes on.

So real talk….

In the realm of relationships…how often ladies does your man start to trail off into maybe other friendships without you, new projects without you, and you are left feeling…well empty handed?

The word insecure comes to mine I’m sure.

Our happiness is reliant to what WE create for OURSELVES. You cannot make ANYONE or ANY situation a happy brighter one without having first made yourself happy. Some call this self inspiration, some often call it being selfish. Men have a greater and EASIER tendency to know when they need this, and what I respect about men, is they don’t question it, they are action creatures, they simply act and create a strategy to make sure that they find balance in themselves. Men are rational, women are emotional. It’s a fact, get over it.

Aside from the emo population (no offense, it’s cool and all in some Twilight sense), how often do you run into a man who is emotionally off-balance? C’mon ladies, you know collectively we can look at our recent dating pool and know of at least one that was clearly a little to coo coo for our toleration.

Remember dating that coo coo and how frustrated you were about his lack of drive, his overbearing need for emotions, his passionate need to always be around you, or maybe he was what some of my girlfriends nicknamed one guy I dated before, a “clingy mc clingerson”….remember how quickly you went through the “break up” steps? Shit…I do.

I ran so far away and had NO REASON to express that they should read a book on the art of rejection or should start seeing a psychologist.

Take that same depiction I gave you, an overly needy obsessive guy….as extreme as that sounds…and now let’s go back to the picture of a man with a woman with in HIS eyes…lack of drive, lack of motivation, lack of self actualization, lack of self esteem…he begins to waver away from the relationship and into perfecting himself. This is normal. A successful man starts to look at his life more seriously as he enters into the manhood phase in two ways…how am I bettering myself, and how can I get ahead in my ______ goals?

Men are often times looked at as selfish. Whereas women are often looked at as needy.

Don’t deny those two statements, because they are probably the most predominant relationship issues I hear today, and I’m no f&*%ing expert, though some of you seem to be interested in my take on this crap.

In all seriousness, going back to my girlfriends question, here’s what you do.

BE SELFISH.

Being selfish isn’t what it’s cracked up to be. You can be selfish in the sense of your way or the highway, and it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that thought process won’t get you anywhere but on the highway alone.

However, being selfish in the sense for doing something YOU love, delving into a new career YOUR interested in, or even having a beauty day because YOU want to IS okay. In fact, I bet men would agree that they would want their women to take more care of themselves to motivate confidence, than to ignore it and focus more time on them. If you are a man and want your woman to focus more attention to you (and she is already overly invested in making sure your happiness is met above her own), then you are a little boy and probably should grow a pair because it’s only minutes before she realizes you are just a boy toy.

I digress…

Successful women, like yourself, often times lose who they are in a relationship quicker than a man because you are by nature a good woman. Sure, I know some women are complete tools…gotta thank Jersey Shore and the creators of some stupid train wreck reality t.v shows to infiltrate the minds of women today, but it’s not too late to start recognizing your true potential.

We as woman have the ability to inspire a man to make them want to feel like the world is at their fingertips. Often times, when I  have heard a man say that their woman makes them feel that way, that’s usually when the man is elated. He has no reason to doubt, no reason to waver, because he feels free enough to GO AFTER THE WORLD, with the SUPPORT of his woman. Here’s the best part….when he feels that…he WILL provide that SAME RESPECT to you too.

As a woman….and a successful bright smart woman as yourself…your concern is to better yourself. You are your main focus. Yes….we were born to multitask…that’s why we can be #1 and also have our man feel like they are #1 too, transferring both responsibilities intertwined with an amazing unity. We are the rock.

Our job…to make sure that rock is SOLID. How to make that rock solid…create a solid foundation….and what is your foundation?

Are you happy with your career? What are your passions, and are you pursuing them actively? What are your weaknesses? Are you working on making those weaknesses into strengths? How is your health, are you a picture of health or are you smoking cigs and getting boozed up on the daily?What do you feed your mind?

I won’t give you all the answers here, or some how to steps because being a smart woman like yourself…you have the ability to create and motivate that on your own….but in the event that you don’t…start with this…

Get a hobby.

Make it fun and create a top 20 list that you MUST do before you turn _____ age.

Be daring and pursue something you have had on your mind for at least 2 years…why wait?!

Be adventurous and book that trip you have been dying to book.

And lastly….SHARE…share this with your man as you go on YOUR journey…ask for HIS support…you’ll see…

He will be your biggest supporter.…he will push you not hinder you…and in turn…you’ll see, he’ll want you to be right there WITH him too pursuing his goals.

Be selfish…

A relationship should be balanced…without expectations, only a hope for the enrichment of each others lives.

Remember, that if YOU are FEELING happy…that positivity spreads like wildfire. Isn’t that a beautiful thing 🙂