What the sh!t?

“We sell fear!”

This was probably the most interesting endings I ever had to a sales day. I thought going to school that juggling modeling, promotional work, and working at a sales job that was rewarding in character (i.e. selling safety device to seniors) would be a great fit for the remainder of my 2012 career.

I was f*&(ing wrong!

What the shit happened to society today? What the shit happened to business today? What happened to feeling safe in an office environment, in a school environment even?

You know when you start a new job or even a project and you’re like super amped about it in the beginning. You’re wearing what I call “rose colored glasses” and little by little as the days go on in the endeavor, the glasses start to vanish. You start to see things differently. Clearly. I am ALL TOO FAMILIAR with this life rotation that I plan for it. It’s why I have always had multiple streams of income in order to weigh out just how retarded our society (speaking business standards) has become.

I went through 2 weeks of extensive training with an AMAZING trainer. She was so patient with a class of 12 really random individuals, and she was very fun to learn from. She reminded me of one of my school teachers in High School, someone who I could connect with and felt empowered by. So, I was naturally excited to graduate from training and finally get on the sales floor and help saving lives one phone call at a time.

The first day, we met the supervisor.

She was a bitch.

If you know me, it takes a hell of a lot for me to say that or call someone that. I literally have no other words to describe such a poor attitude in a woman. What was so sad though, was she is so pretty, and the moment she opened her mouth it was Jersey Shore trash…you know the typical Jersey Shore where she thought her own shit didn’t stink. This was my first what the shit moment.

Not even an hour into sales and talking to some awesome seniors on the phone, she pulls me aside.

“You are too nice.” She says.

That was my second what the shit moment.

The glasses were slowly coming off my face.

There I was sitting in my cubicle (fuck, when did I get in a cubicle again from having my own in home office to now a mother fucking cubicle!), and this instant message pops up on my computer.

The instant message is full of wink faces and small talk. I look to see who it is, and sure enough it’s the creeper supervisor whose been eyeballing my shit.

That was the third what the shit moment.

I scratched the side of my right temple contemplating how or if I should respond. Each second I kept thinking, more wink face emoticons were coming through the instant message, as if they were poking me on the forehead.

Finally I responded with something work related and ended the conversation. He continued to blabber on about how “cool” my name is. What the fuck ever guy.

Every single time I got up to use the restroom…the entire sales floor complete with about 30+ men and about 2 girls, all stared. Occasionally would interject my walking and asked if I needed anything, how my day was, etc. In the beginning I thought, “How nice everyone is!” thanks to those rose stupid colored mother fucking glasses…and then boom…

They decided to fall off.

“Everyone you sell FEAR here! If they aren’t full of fear on the phone, they won’t buy from you! Remember, if they say they are fixed income, those seniors are lying to you!”

Then…my heart dropped. It literally sunk so far deep into my gut I grew physically ill.

I thought of every person I talk to, deal with as if they are my own family, my own friend. Even when I had my own business, I believed  in and still do, on building value through quality work, through quality customer service, through proper rapport building.

I left without saying goodbye, and I didn’t look back.

I got home…dropped my bags at my feet in my room…and then I started crying. I let it out.

I threw up.

All of the words this supervisor bitch was saying and has said to me which I didn’t even fully cover because it would make you sick too, fled through my mind.

I am a very rational person. I take everything that happens as a reason. I thought about one thing specifically she said, “What are you, like mid 20’s, a damn model and you probably never owned a business in your lifetime, at your age I was making like thousands of dollars a month, had two kids, and maybe you just don’t feel accomplished yet for whatever reason….” and went on and on…I started to feel small. I thought…THIS IS WHAT KIDS FEEL IN SCHOOL TODAY.

Sometimes…situations in life like this are what you are faced with…where the reality of life is, High School just never ends.

I did end up reporting this incident…and quickly fled this company.

It put things in perspective for my life….and I hope you take this piece of advice.

Do not chase money.

Do not compromise YOUR HAPPINESS.

Do not at any circumstances allow someone negative to come into your space and fuck it up.

This is YOUR life.

A friend of mine asked me, “There are no perfect jobs out there Nevaeh, why didn’t you just stay and deal?”

My response…”Because I am not a part of the herd.I beat to my own drum. That drumbeat…is living a positive life. I don’t tolerate anything less.”

I admit…fuck…I’m human…money has always been something that came easily to me. However, the lesson learned here is motivation.

My Dad text me, “Hi honey….how are you doing today?”

My Mom emailed me with a title “SMILE” and said something brilliant which made my What the Shit moment, a moment of clarity, she asked,  “Maybe this experience for you was only about more motivation to drive you forward?”

This was the moment I meditated on the fact that I was learning a big life lesson. I was gaining…what my Dad called, “wisdom”. This taught me something about myself…the fire and ignition and passion for activism, for humanitarianism, and for social change was flooding through my veins.

I feel empowered, focused and comfortable with this change that I’ve been talking about doing for the last several months but begrudgingly never wanted to actually do.

Here I am….

I surrender.

“At times…we face the “WHAT THE SHIT” moments to face our inner fears….to face who we are currently to face that we still need to grow and make new changes to become what we desire to be. Be open to growth…and the universe will respond to your every desire. I know…because I’m living it now.”

 

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