So this morning….prior to my life coach meeting check in, I had a random contemplative moment driving by the beach. I was contemplating my happiness.
Hear me out…
When you have gone for years “unawakened” you spend that time in a dark state, a state of depression…a state of vision-less adornment, and a state of unawakened potential. The term often used is a “dirty mirror” which is a view of what you have for yourself. Most of us, are unawakened for years….some never truly awaken.
It’s been about 4 years for me since I began an overwhelming transformational change in my life….and it would have never came to fruition had it not been MY choice.
This morning, driving by the beach I was hit by this nerve reaction to my now long standing consistency of happiness. I know it sounds crazy to contemplate over that, but living in happiness for 4 years compared to over 10 years of unhappiness and confusion…you can see where at times it can be very difficult to accept happiness as a way of life vs something that is earned. There has not been much drama in my life, because I run from it like a bat out of hell, and I’ve only shed tears out of extreme happiness or being wonderfully moved by a beautiful moment. This is new…
I couldn’t help but crack a smile in the midst of me recognizing my joy…and recognizing how fully awake at life I am.
I recently got back out in the water. I was introduced to surfing last year and never really cared much for it. It was something my friends wanted me to do, I was always a climber. However, this last Saturday I was hit with the bug. You know the, “Yes” bug. I could feel the entire week a weight slowly weighing me down and I couldn’t get my finger on it. I could feel my blood boiling and in desperate need to “let loose”.
On Saturday, I heard my name calling out for me in Oceanside as I was getting coffee, and the words, “Come let’s surf I got an extra board!” Oddly enough, my natural instinct is to assess my situation and THEN answer…this time…thank goodness for being bitten by the yes bug, because without hesitation I said yes! The best part, I didn’t even know who called out my name when I said yes…
I looked up and there was my old colleague Paul who I haven’t seen in over 6 years but always kept in touch through email and texts. He reminded me of an old wise man who just chilled on the beaches in Hawaii and just lived for waves. His daughters both are heavily involved in surfing and rock climbing so lucky me I was already set with the equipment I needed. I also thought since my flipping boyfriend is a surf instructor I better get my shit together… (only because I’m highly competitive 😉 ).
That day around noon…I got back in the water. I was FRIGHTENED!!! I kept saying, “I’m totally going to eat shit. Just warning you.” He would laugh and push my board out next to me. His laugh kept me in a positive spirit, and calm. He was very patient with me, reminding me of some instructions I remembered from last year. The only difference was I was on a shorter board….and much to my surprise…this was EASIER for me.
He told me, “Lil Nev, this board is going to be difficult, but knowing your personality, I think this is the right kind of challenge for you. You can choose whatever you want, but at least you are learning for yourself. There is no wrong way today, this is experimental.”
I loved that approach…isn’t that a similar approach we take on in life? Isn’t that how we should be taking on experiences in life?
I turned the board around with him as I was ready to catch a tiny in most surfers eyes waves, but for my 5’2 98lb stature it was ginormous! I could hear him yelling out to me, “Lay on the middle of your board! Paddle Paddle Paddle!” “Pop up Pop up!”
First try….First run…stood up.
I remember standing up and though it was only for about 5 seconds, it felt like the best eternal experience.
I felt alive again.
All the weight on my shoulder…gone…
All the stress beginning to bog me down…gone…
All the unhappiness wanting to bubble up….gone…
I felt free again.
My point is this….
Often times we don’t take heed to the feelings of contemplating or depression, or even sadness when we are awakened because, we don’t think it’s possible we could go back to that state.
That’s a foolish thing to think first of all….even life coaches, counselors, psychologists, a nun, a pastor…we all have to face the demons inside of us, and it’s unfortunately apart of life for evil and negativity to want to corrupt a happy and rested soul.
It is a genuine responsibility to FIND things with EAGER INTENT to REVIVE YOU.
Every day this week I was finding myself being called to the water. If you know me, you know how many excuses I have made in the past to NOT surf…now I can’t stop. The feeling of being awakened time and time again every time I just sit out there, I feel revived.
This week has been the most rested, energetic and back to the “me” feeling I have ever had.
I have recognized all the unhappiness wanting to burst through me, because I took the time to combat against it. I know the root, and I know a strategy now.
Being aware…IS being awake.
What are you doing to challenge your unhappiness, your stress, your whatever it is that is bogging you down…what are you doing to revive yourself?
Please for the love of God, try something other than yoga. Get outside of your comfort zone…and just say yes.
Here’s a challenge…just say yes. One day…and see where life takes you…